It's hard to say that this has been a "bad year" for my family, or even for just me personally...
Yeah, a lot of not fun circumstances have fallen onto the path of life this year. A lot of things that make me want to crawl in a corner & sleep my life away.
(Sleep = My coping mechanism of choice, because my kidneys frown on binge drinking)
Summer of 2008 I went to a church camp where, I'm going to attribute Bobby Joiner for putting out the challenge to start a prayer journal.
Nothing fancy, just to grab a composition note book & use it to focus your prayer time.
It's now 2014 - I have 17, one-hundred page composition note books FULL. 1,700 pages of prayers petitions over the past seven years.
2011 - My life was a big nursing school blob.. Fair excuse. Sorta.. Right? (Yeah, lame I know..) Super troopers could have landed on the moon during 2011 & I wouldn't have known. My life was engulfed in learning to be a nurse.
2012 -- The year I graduated nursing school. The year I became a full fledged nurse. The year I was a New Grad nurse at a small teaching hospital. The year I was struggling with my confidence as a new nurse. My "thing" had become to pray on my way to work. So long as I didn't get too distracted... But I still didn't really make time for God. Either time to pray or get into the word.
2013 -- I really don't have an excuse. My brother had his 3rd open heart surgery that March, at the same time I was grieving the break down of a dear friendship. That summer I started to get bored at work because I was getting the swing of things, and looking for other things to fill my plate. My Mom also had rotator cuff surgery that summer. Which was a long recovery.
I was going to a cute little hipster church. The people were SO sweet and loved Jesus, but I wasn't sold...
2014 --- Welcome a difficult year. I have tried to wish away this year more than once or twice..
(Sleep = My coping mechanism of choice, because my kidneys frown on binge drinking)
But God has gotten us through all the crappy circumstances in one piece. Actually, since Jake (My brother) fell from our horse & had to have reconstructive facial surgery in September. Some of us came out of this year with a few extra pieces..
But if I were honest I would say I feel like God's actually used all the unfortunate circumstances in the past 365 days to refocus my attention to him. I tend to try, and fail terribly to be self reliant. Thinking back.. My struggle with self reliance began long before this year.
But if I were honest I would say I feel like God's actually used all the unfortunate circumstances in the past 365 days to refocus my attention to him. I tend to try, and fail terribly to be self reliant. Thinking back.. My struggle with self reliance began long before this year.
Nothing fancy, just to grab a composition note book & use it to focus your prayer time.
It's now 2014 - I have 17, one-hundred page composition note books FULL. 1,700 pages of prayers petitions over the past seven years.
But looking though them I realized the majority of them where from 2008-2010. Then they became less prolific. Still there, but more sporadic...
2010. Was the year I left my childhood church. The year I struggled SO much with sorrow, hatred, and bitterness.
2011 - My life was a big nursing school blob.. Fair excuse. Sorta.. Right? (Yeah, lame I know..) Super troopers could have landed on the moon during 2011 & I wouldn't have known. My life was engulfed in learning to be a nurse. 
2012 -- The year I graduated nursing school. The year I became a full fledged nurse. The year I was a New Grad nurse at a small teaching hospital. The year I was struggling with my confidence as a new nurse. My "thing" had become to pray on my way to work. So long as I didn't get too distracted... But I still didn't really make time for God. Either time to pray or get into the word. 
2013 -- I really don't have an excuse. My brother had his 3rd open heart surgery that March, at the same time I was grieving the break down of a dear friendship. That summer I started to get bored at work because I was getting the swing of things, and looking for other things to fill my plate. My Mom also had rotator cuff surgery that summer. Which was a long recovery. I was going to a cute little hipster church. The people were SO sweet and loved Jesus, but I wasn't sold...
I was just chugging along & didn't really NEED God. I wanted God, I LONGED for the kind of relationship I had had with him between 2008-2010. I just had NO idea how to get back there. I was angry & frustrated..
2014 --- Welcome a difficult year. I have tried to wish away this year more than once or twice..
I wasn't really going to church at the start of the year..
I was what I like to call, "in-between churches". I didn't want to go to the sweet hipster church - I didn't feel like I fit in & it was a really LONG drive that only got longer when the church moved locations. I didn't want to go to the cowboy church my family went to statues post our church evacuation in 2010, because I didn't feel like I was welcome.
I was what I like to call, "in-between churches". I didn't want to go to the sweet hipster church - I didn't feel like I fit in & it was a really LONG drive that only got longer when the church moved locations. I didn't want to go to the cowboy church my family went to statues post our church evacuation in 2010, because I didn't feel like I was welcome.
My prayer-life was a joke. I would pray in the elevator on the way up to my unit at the hospital.. And I would pray when I would be struggling with my anger & frustration from feeling distant from my God. And bitter toward my past church leadership because I felt like it was THEIR fault...
It wasn't their fault FYI. But they still suck none the less! :)
It wasn't their fault FYI. But they still suck none the less! :)
Christmas night 2013 my Great Grandma Good pasted away. Which ended a week long sleep over at Pepe's house hospice. We buried Grandma January 6th.
The following week my Dad had a stroke & stayed in the hospital from Thursday - Sunday.
The next month we got two new puppies.. And my puppy Bella died a month later.
This summer God blessed me with 15 yr old Ashley's "dream job". I'm now an ER nurse at the small teaching hospital I started at as a new grad on Med-Surg. And I love it!
But talk about a learning curve... But I know God has me there for His purpose.
What have I learned from this year??
-- I need to get back to the basics in my relationship with God...
I know some will earnestly disagree with me, but I feel like placing my own prayer/quite time & getting back into reading God's word on my own is really where I need to focus. The culture of todays church/corporate worship tends to do nothing but irritate me.
Great in theory...
But I tend to feel like all I'm doing is sitting through a 1 1/2 hour infomercial about how I'm supposed to "buy into" whatever the churches plans/goals/projects are. Instead, I want to be bought into Jesus. Bought into my God's plan.. His plan for me. His plan for my family. His plan for this community I call my own.
I left January 7th for a "vacation" where I saw the ugly side of myself during the trip. I came back sick from stress. And constantly feeling like I NEEDED to go to church. Any church, whatever church, I just NEEDED to go to church!
That week I started going to Girls with Swords, a bible study for young women. I honesty didn't WANT to, but I did. And I'm glad that I did! Because in going I was reminded that God still has a hold of me.
A month after returning to Tucson from what I have lovingly deemed "Escape from B*tch Mountain San Antonio Edition" I went to the Passion Conference 2014 in Houston with a group of people I hardly knew.. Also a blessing.
The following week my Dad had a stroke & stayed in the hospital from Thursday - Sunday.
The next month we got two new puppies.. And my puppy Bella died a month later.
This summer God blessed me with 15 yr old Ashley's "dream job". I'm now an ER nurse at the small teaching hospital I started at as a new grad on Med-Surg. And I love it!
But talk about a learning curve... But I know God has me there for His purpose.
What have I learned from this year??
-- I need to get back to the basics in my relationship with God...
I know some will earnestly disagree with me, but I feel like placing my own prayer/quite time & getting back into reading God's word on my own is really where I need to focus. The culture of todays church/corporate worship tends to do nothing but irritate me.
Great in theory...
But I tend to feel like all I'm doing is sitting through a 1 1/2 hour infomercial about how I'm supposed to "buy into" whatever the churches plans/goals/projects are. Instead, I want to be bought into Jesus. Bought into my God's plan.. His plan for me. His plan for my family. His plan for this community I call my own.
Lamentations
3:22-24 (New International Version) Because of the LORD's great love we
are not consumed, for his compassion never fail. They are new every
morning; great is your faithfulness. I say to myself, "The LORD is my
portion; therefore I will wait for him."
Psalm 88:13 But I cry to you for help, Lord;
in the morning my prayer comes before you.
in the morning my prayer comes before you.
Isaiah 30: 1-5
“Woe to the obstinate children,”
declares the Lord,
“to those who carry out plans that are not mine,
forming an alliance, but not by my Spirit,
heaping sin upon sin; who go down to Egypt
without consulting me;
who look for help to Pharaoh’s protection,
to Egypt’s shade for refuge.
declares the Lord,
“to those who carry out plans that are not mine,
forming an alliance, but not by my Spirit,
heaping sin upon sin; who go down to Egypt
without consulting me;
who look for help to Pharaoh’s protection,
to Egypt’s shade for refuge.
But Pharaoh’s protection will be to your shame,
Egypt’s shade will bring you disgrace.
Though they have officials in Zoan
and their envoys have arrived in Hanes,
Egypt’s shade will bring you disgrace.
Though they have officials in Zoan
and their envoys have arrived in Hanes,
everyone will be put to shame
because of a people useless to them,
who bring neither help nor advantage,
but only shame and disgrace.”
because of a people useless to them,
who bring neither help nor advantage,
but only shame and disgrace.”
