Meet your enemy::...

At the end of days like today I breath a sigh of relief that tomorrow is coming and won't be like the day before. I'm blogging at a very unusual time for me. There is no coffee to be seen. Even though that might be a good idea. So Kels, I guess we can call this a break from my traditional blog openings.

Finally, I'm attempting to do what I have been looking forward to all day. Sitting here nicely touched under my fluffy comforter, next to my bible and notebook, my laptop on my knees and a heat pack on my stomach. The house is quite since all my family is in bed and I am left alone to my thoughts.

Today has been rough, mainly because of the stresses of life but there are a few more things weighing me down. God and I have been having sporadic little conversations throughout the day, which generally consists of me giving my problems and aggravations over to Him. Even with all the irritations of the day I still remember that God is in control.. Car problems mixed with pricey mechanic's bills have plagued me today. And I was greatly entertained today by God's ironic sense of humor.. I was calling my dear friend Kaiti to tell her about my frustrations, so we'll say I was calling to complain to Kaiti about all the things that were happening. But sadly like most Mondays we play phone tag all day, needless to say she didn't pick up. When I hang up though I turn on my music and what else do I hear but Mandisa's song "It's Only The Word" playing. Then after I picked back up my car from the mechanic I tried Kaiti again, this time she actually picked up which was a miracle in and of it's self. But after I hung up with Kait I turn back up the radio and the song, " Don't worry about a thing" was on. Is it just me or is God maybe trying to tell me something? I thought it was too funny in which the method God choose to comfort me.

Even with all the things that could distract me and have distracted me from God, I know that He is right there to help me through them if I will let Him. Another thing that I was thinking about today is that Spiritual warfare is not against flesh and blood. It's not what we are seeing. It's not the car problems, the relationship issues, school, fiances, etc. thoughs are the things that get us distracted so we can't take on what we were meant to. We are meant to bring glory to God and to delight ourselves in His presence. God doesn't change with circumstances, but I sure know that I do.

Here is something to think about.

Ephesians 6:12 (New International Version) For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms.

Peace Rains Down::..

Today like most mornings I'm on my second cup of coffee. I was just thinking about how much I need my coffee to wake me up physically this morning but I need my prayer time with God each morning to wake me up for the day Spiritually. So before I started typing this I had some quite-ish time with God. I could hear my brothers cartoons playing in the back round, but oh well..

I have been going to Arkansas camp for three years now and a councilor for two. Some of my absolute favorite times at Arkansas camp is getting up every morning before my body truly wants to and sneaking out of the cabin with out anyone knowing, walking down to the boxing arena at the edge of the lake and sitting on the highest point on the bleachers facing the lake and having quite time with God. It's amazing! Watching all the trees that God made sway in the gentle breeze and listening to the rolling of the water that He controls. Plus then having the added bonus of after that going to the councilors meeting with all the other crazies who dare to be called councilors. Praying with all of them for the kids God brought to camp with only a purpose known to Him and allowing us to love on the little souls for a week. Can anyone tell that camp has been on my mind a little bit?

I was talking to a dear friend on the phone the other night. And in the course of our strange and usually every lengthy conversations prayer was brought up. I think it was in relation to not praying enough. But then it evolved into not knowing what to say to God in prayer. which I know is a very normal response from most people. My kids that I teach at church had a lot of trouble at first when I asked them if they wanted to pray for the class at Church. They typical asked, "what should I say?" I would tell them to just talk to God. Maybe some are daunted by the fact that they are talking to the maker of the universe or others might think of Him as a God of Justice ready to rain down fire and brim stone on your head, but to everyone who believes Christ died on the cross for their sins He is simply Daddy. I guess I have been blessed, unlike others, with an earthly father that I have always been at ease talking to. Which might make it a little easier for me to talk to God in that sort of a manor. But while talking we also talked about lying to God in our prayers. I know I have been guilty of this MANY times. Where you really want to pray about or for something but you sort of beat around the bush and use prettier language then necessary because you don't want to offend God. After doing this for many years I finally came to the brilliant deduction that God, who knows everything probably knows what I am really thinking. It's such a profound concept!

Lately as problems have been arising in life I have had to remind myself of exactly how big God is. Even though I know that my "Big" problems of today will be the small potatoes of my tomorrow, it's still hard to see around the biggies. Thankfully I can take comfort that God is far larger then my problems no matter what they are, who they are or where they come from. For some weirdo reason this reminds me of a Veggie Tales song.

Hannah prayed what was truly on her heart and God granted it to her.

1 Samuel 1: 12-16 (NIV) As she kept on praying to the LORD, Eli observed her mouth. Hannah was praying in her heart, and her lips were moving but her voice was not heard. Eli thought she was drunk and said to her, "How long will you keep on getting drunk? Get rid of your wine."
"Not so, my lord," Hannah replied, "I am a woman who is deeply troubled. I have not been drinking wine or beer; I was pouring out my soul to the LORD. Do not take your servant for a wicked woman; I have been praying here out of my great anguish and grief."

I really like this verse.

2 Corinthians 1:3-5 (NIV) Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God. For just as the sufferings of Christ flow over into our lives, so also through Christ our comfort overflows.

And I'll finish with this.

Psalm 136:2 (NIV) Give thanks to the God of gods. His love endures forever

At the top of this blog is a picture of Laminin. It is a protien the holds the human body together. What does it look like to you? THAT would be how big my God is!

Unknown is tomorrow...

I just finished off my second cup of coffee. It was very much welcome this morning. Last night I was talking to a good friend until about two in the morning and then finished making Biology flash cards, thus not getting into bed until around three. For some silly reason my brain just turned on at eight this morning and refuses to shut off. Thus the coffee! I've had some good prayer time this morning though with the house quite because of my family being gone to Mexico. I'm ready for them to be home, it's too quite without them. So far I don't feel like I have accomplished as much as I have wanted to in their absence. But that is neither here nor there..

Isn't it funny? For about a nano second you have the feeling that you know exactly where your headed. Then things get shaken up and making you realize that you have absolutely no idea what will happen tomorrow. The one good thing I can see about this uncertainty is that it shows me exactly how dependant I am on God. In one instant I think I have everything handled and am going down the path God would have me go and the next I feel like an invalid that needs God's help to even do the simplest thing. That's a blow to the pride! Realizing that your too weak to do or say anything that could bring about good.

As of lately I have been putting a lot of thought into this. I only see the tiniest of glimpse into the future. Where would God really have me? Where should I go and what should I do next? What's the next move? I'm aware that you can just pull the Jesus card to answer these questions and say, "Well, just trust God." but does that fully answer these questions? Without God's guidance I have no idea which doors are truly open for me by God and which are opened just to tempt me into walking away from the path God laied out for me in eternity past. Maybe the Jesus card is the answer to my question. But it's so hard to just let go and allow God handle it, especially when we're dealing with something as crucial as my future. I have been willing to give God lots of my problems over the years but am I ready to trust Him with my future?

Over the past year I have slowing been making my way through Elisabeth Elliot's book "Keep a Quite Heart". Today as I have been pondering all that is going on in life and will happen I read a quote that seemed so incredibly fitting.

'From an out-of-print book, The Life and Letters of Janet Erskine Stuart. Says one who was her assistant for some years, "She delighted in seeing her plan upset by unexpected events, saying that it gave her great comfort, and that she looked on such things as an assurance that God was watching over her stewardship, was securing the accomplishment of His will, and working out His own designs. Whether she traced the secondary causes to the prayer of a child, to the imperfection of an individual, to obstacles arising from misunderstandings, or to interference of outside agencies, she was joyfully and graciously ready to recognize the indication of God's ruling hand, and to allow herself to be guided by it.

No matter the chaos of life and the pain I might feel along the way I can still take comfort and shelter in God and His grace He showers on me everyday.

Jeremiah 29:11(NIV) For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

Battle Lines..

So far this morning I have gotten little accomplished.. I spent some time with God. Talked to Kaiti. Re-read past journal entries.. Which I will say with no shame, I love doing! It reminds me of how far God has brought me and what He lead me through. Plus of how stupid I once was, but doesn't everyone feel like that?

Today is far better then yesterday so far... If your someone who knows me you will know of my disdain for my Psychology class. The world's twisted thinking is pushed on college students like McDonald's on small children. You know?... The White American Male has pushed everyone down, evolution, Feminist psychology yadyadyad. It frustrates me to no end having to sit in that class.. Most of my peers think the class teaches the truth.. But it teaches Satan's lie! Yesterday the question was posed, "Are Humans Innately Good or Evil?" Out of probably fifteen people that answered about thirteen said that people are born blank slates, not good and not evil because that is taught to you as you grow-up. So I asked who picks what is good and evil? And the unanimous response was that it's whatever society says is right.. Of course a few brought up that some Christians think it was God or Adam and Eve...

Society? Huh... Have we not yet seen what society does? Yesterday in class we also watched a video. During which the person on the video said that in the 1940's America demolished Fascism in Germany.. Hello?!?! Have you not read lately about the America government taking over some of the biggest banks and lending companies in America? People, Fascism is alive and well in the heart of Washington D.C. our nation's capital. It was bad though because I was openly giggling at that statement right when they were showing pictures of concentration camps. Our nation is going to get worse before it gets any better. This is honestly one of the most exciting times to be a Christian in America.. The tougher times get the greater the pull of people to or away from God! I know just being in college I'm feeling the heat of peoples hatred towards God. They aim it at me but I have to remind myself that it's not me that they hold hostility towards it's my Father, my Protector and my Commanding Officer that they are against, not me.

God is still in control and when this is all over, it is going to come out exactly as He had in mind... God is not taken by surprise.. He didn't say, "Oh dear, I didn't realize that things would look so bleak for America in a short two hundred years of their country as a nation." He said, " I love you, I'll provide for you, trust me."

God has given us the means to over come twisted thinking in our soul, the Holy Spirit! We must have spiritual thinking, not the twisted thinking of the world in order to enjoy our relationship with God and with one another...

We must have spiritual thinking, the fruit of the spirit in order to allow God to use us in His plan to bring honor and Glory to Him.

This is such a concept.. Really honestly I forget this from time to time.. Your not here to serve your own interest but God. You have a mission in life... You are to enjoy Spiritual freedom and Glorify God and enjoy His presence.. By Walking by in Faith In The Holy Spirit!

Romans 5:1-5 (NIV) Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand. And we rejoice in the hope of the glory of God. Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us.

Walking by faith in the spirit will never disappoint or disillusioned you like the world will.

And if you are walking by Faith in the Spirit you can have absolute confidence that God is working in your life. I sure know He is working in mine.. No really.. Most of the stuff on here I stole from John because he taught it Wednesday night at bible study.. And then yesterday I found out that Friday Night Fellowship is on a live feed online but they also have some archived so I watched the latest one last night and Buck was talking all about spiritual warfare.. And now I'm a tad nervous what is coming my way.. :)

Intimacy::...

My normal Monday morning routine has been disheveled by

sinus problems. I need more coffee! I have been entertaining

myself this morning with talking to one of my friends who is out of state at college.

Lately I’ve been amazed at how much better this semester is going then the last school year. I’m at a place of contentment and peace. I have no idea when I left my place of contentment last school year. But I do know I was fairly miserable by the end of it all, and I think I know why. I was using God as my personal vending machine, asking only for what I needed. There was no intimacy in my relationship with God. With all of your close friends there is always some level of intimacy. Things that only the two know and feel about the other, and my intimacy was so vague with God it was disheartening. I laugh whole heartedly at other young people when they think they need to be in a romantic relationship with someone to feel fulfilled and content. But in honesty if you’re not content with it being just you and God and you have intimacy with God no human relationship is every going to bring you the fulfillment you seek. I struggled with the “I want a boyfriend” syndrome for years, heck I still do at times. Feeling like I wouldn’t be either complete or an official “grown-up” until I introduce some guy as my boyfriend. In the past few years I can think back to a few really truly bad moods that I’ve been in. One such occasion was at an acquaintance wedding. I was still seventeen and she was a couple years older, but it was boldly in my face of what I THOUGHT I was missing.. For some sad reason I thought that I was missing out on some happiness that I deserved by not having a boyfriend and in the not so far future a wedding.

One of my dearest friends, the poor guy, was the guy closest to me so thus I decided he MUST be the one for me. After all why would God place a guy as such a good friend if he wasn’t for me! I love him dearly but as our new romantic relationship went on we both realized that it wouldn’t work. We are incredibly different when it comes to our spiritual beliefs. God protected both of us in our short lived relationship. Neither of us left the relationship feeling like we had done anything we shouldn’t have. We held hands, hugged and gave one or two kisses on the cheek but we never kissed on the lips. Which I’ve very happy about. I’m not sure how to explain this but I will try. Once you experience any form of romantic intimacy you long for more and I can guarantee you that memories do haunt you. Thus I’m extraordinarily pleased that God protected us in that area. We are still good friends, not as close as we once were but there is more honesty between us. I pray that God will provide him with a wife that will bring him delight but also one that will help build him up in the Lord.

It has taken me a good while to truly realize that happiness and contentment is NOT fulfilled in your life by romantic relationships but wholly by God who is the lover of my soul. No man can fulfill me like God can. He can try but will fall short every single time.
Being nineteen and waiting for your right man is hard sometimes. You are surrounded not only by the secular world but also the Christian community. Which one would think that waiting for your right man would be celebrated in all Christian circles, but that’s just not the case. Most look at me being nineteen and question me about why I have yet to pair myself up with a suitable husband? When I tell them of my reasoning they just tell me about how happy their daughter is now that she is married. I’m not saying this is the case with all Christian circles, I have found a few that celebrate waiting for the person God has for you but a lot don’t.

The secular community bombards everyone my age with the thought that they need to be sexually active. If your not experienced then no one will look at you and if you’re a virgin your fresh meat. I can’t believe how at school it is nothing for people to talk about the previous nights sexual endeavors like it was innocent as going goofy golfing. On the top 40 radio station in town there are two count them TWO popular songs right now that glorify oral sex. And all the rest talk about how there gonna hit the dance floor and then take it to the bed room. And my tweens at church listen to that garbage. It’s what society has declared right! But it is so far beyond wrong. On the country station you’ll hear songs about heart break. On the Indi station you’ll hear songs about romance and sex. On the Classic rock station it’s all about their last sexual conquest. And on the soft rock station it’s all about how their lover is going to come back some day. Pg-13 movies are now the new R, for sexual content and language. There are television commercials for personal vibrators. And it is nothing for all the characters in a television show aimed at teens to be sexually active. Is it any coincidence that young people are so confused about how they should live their life? I think not!

Sex is something that should be strictly in a marriage relationship. And young people should not be subdued into thinking that marriage is the next life move after high school. What if God has different plans for you? If young people want to have sex, drink, do drugs, get married, or be deeply involved in meaningless relationships far be it from me to tell them they are wrong but I challenge them to question themselves if it is God planned or their own selfish endeavor. You can’t be doing your own thing your own way AND be glorifying God and fulfilling the plan He has for you at the same time.

Why is it only a few who will walk a different path then the many? I put a picture of sky diving as the picture today. Most people think that it would be amazing to sky dive but never do because their afraid. Would you want that same fear to rule your life? Trust God to place you where He wants you and watch as your adventure unfolds.

I still like what Paul wrote!

1 Corinthians 7:7-9 (New International Version)I wish that all men were as I am. But each man has his own gift from God; one has this gift, another has that.Now to the unmarried and the widows I say: It is good for them to stay unmarried, as I am. But if they cannot control themselves, they should marry, for it is better to marry than to burn with passion.

And

Philippians 4:11 (NIV)I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances.

Kendra, this is not the post I wanted you to read.. It's the last one!

God is my anti - panic attack!

"If we cannot believe God when circumstances seem be against us, we do not believe Him at all." - Charles Spurgeon

Wow, it's almost been a month since I last blogged! School started the 27th of August and thus my schedule became crazy. But that's no excuse. I'm drinking my second cup of coffee this morning just trying to trust God.

Today I have my first Biology 201 exam! I'm a tad nervous, but if you ask anyone that knows me well I get into a nervous mind set before ANY exam. Yesterday I spent 7 and a half hours in the library studying for the exam today. Crazy, I know. It's kinda weird how I go from being alright about the test to then almost having a panic attack, then I pray and give the test to God and then I'm fine again... For a while. This cycle has been reoccurring for the past two days! Personally I find it funny how my pastor was just talking about this sort of thing last Sunday. Sadly I was up stairs teaching, of all things David. But I got the five minute version from my Mom just this morning. King David, a man after God's own heart didn't ALWAYS trust God. Heck, at one time he wanted to kill Nabal who was Abigail's husband because he disrespected David. So David told his men to take up their swords (meaning prepair to kill people) but God allowed Abigail to catch wind of all that happened so she could go and try to supeas David before anything bad happened. And David saw the error of his ways and turn back to trusting God. I kinda feel that way about school.

It's would be so easy to slip back into last school years mind set again. The one where I lost intimacy with God and used Him as my personal vending machine.. Yeah, very easy.. I'm so much happier when God and I have real true blue fellowship and intimacy where as when I call on Him only when I need something! The quote that I put at the top of this blog is a hard on to stomach. Because when everything against you it's so much easier to go into panic mode instead of just letting go of your problems and letting God have a go at working it out.

Matthew 11:28 (NIV) "Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give

you rest."

Galations 5:22-23 (NIV) But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, PEACE, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law.

When the world hands you lemons... PRAY!

Just The Two Of Us

If she has been given the gift of living as a single person, she must be willing to do so, prepare to do so, and look for the work in Lord’s vineyard that doubtless He has for her. She must not dread the future, looking at it apprehensively, but must recognize that the Lord never calls His children without providing them the help that they need to accomplish His will and the ability to be happy in doing it. - Jay E. Adams

Sadly, I'm only on my second cup of coffee for the morning. I have a fairly busy day today filled with cleaning carpets, babysitting and having my best friend over for one last time before the school year starts and we never see each other again. Heck, the sad thing is that we both go to in town colleges!

For sometime now I have been pondering a subject. So, I thought I would share it. My parents and I have been praying since I was little for my future husband. But, what happens if I'm not supposed to get married? Do all those prayers go out the window? Or does God in His infinite wisdom use those prayers for something else? I have had quite a few people this summer tell me not to worry about when I'll get a husband since I'm only nineteen. However, personally I would just like to know that there is one coming down the pike. That might sound selfish or just flat weird to some, but I just wish I knew because then I might understand is some small capacity what shifts my life is going to take. After all, life is a roller coaster ride and I get sick when I can't see whats coming next.. Most likely I'm just being dumb and spending my time thinking about something that will never happen.. But I can't help but wonder.

During the summer I was surrounded by girls around my age or a tad older that seemed to all be married, engaged or thought they were dating their right man. Keep in mind that I really enjoyed all their company BUT, I just about got sick at how many times I was told, "I hope God brings you a man so you can be as happy as I am!" Allow me to say to all those who found their right man, "Please Stop!" Have they ever given a thought that we singles are right where God wants us? We live in a society, especially the christian circles, that put a tremendous amount of pressure on girls my age to get matched up so that after you finish your studies you can get married! Why do other young women feel the need to indoctrinate us full of the bliss of having a significant other? It just makes many single girls cave because they want to be "happy" too. After a young woman caves, she is no longer placing her faith in God for a husband and to fill that void . Then searches rampidly because she is on the great man hunt. Trust me. I've been there, done that. You find that when your trying to find a man to fill that space God meant for your husband, that quite honestly God DOES fill completely on His own if you let Him; you make yourself miserable and distant from God. The more you search the farther you go because you KEEP placing your faith in finding someone instead of relying on God to work on that area of your life. One of Satan's greatest lies is that you need a significant other to be happy instead of God. So there is my tirade for the day. I'm sure that this subject is bound to come back around at some point.

I like Paul he wrote this.

1 Corinthians 7:7-9 (New International Version)I wish that all men were as I am. But each man has his own gift from God; one has this gift, another has that.
Now to the unmarried and the widows I say: It is good for them to stay unmarried, as I am. But if they cannot control themselves, they should marry, for it is better to marry than to burn with passion.

2 Corinthians 5:7 (New International Version) We live by faith, not by sight.

I'm enjoying blogging in the mornings. It's like writing my own Spirit lead devotional. And no Mother I will not sign and notarise this!