Acceptance of the Unknown:::..

Just a really quick blurb. There is no coffee by my side and it is almost eleven at night so, I know for a fact that it will be short.

The writing conference is going really well and I am learning a lot. So often I get lost in my own thoughts about how, what the speaker is saying applies to me and my writing. I've enjoyed how friendly and easy going all the people at the conference are. Tomorrow is the last day but, I'm excited to start working on writing even more now.

Today I received my acceptance letter in the mail from the nursing program. Unless something changes for the better (If I can get in sooner, some how), or for the worse (I fail a class) I will be in the graduating class of 2013. 2013! Four years? Two years of waiting to just get in and I only have one more semester of busy work I can do for school. Only one more semester of classes that are required of my degree other than my actually nursing classes. What is happening? Right when I think I have a good idea of what will happen in the next few years, God decides to change them! God likes to keep us living by faith. Faith in not knowing what on earth will happen but we are willing to trust Him that He will work it out for our best interest.. I'm having to do a whole lot of that at the moment. What might I do for a year and a half? What is it that God wants me to take on? Or instead will I get in really quickly even though the paper I got in the mail today said congratulations for joining the class of 2013! Whatever God has in the works is better then what I can come up with so I just need to keep putting my eggs in His basket.

Leaving the Forced Smile:::..

School has been out on summer break for nine days now. I'm not exactly sure when that happened. It feels like the time has slipped out of my hand.

I'm excited for this weekend! A few weeks ago I signed up for a weekend lecture series on professional writing. For me this sounds fun. But most people that I tell about it they think I'm crazy. Oh well.. I will go see how it is. It's only four days.

This morning I got up at six in hopes that my days would stop running away from me. After a friends graduation in the last week I stayed out till one-thirty and didn't get in bed till three. Lets just say that the sun was in the mid-day position and all the clocks in the house said it was noon before I got up the next day. And that night I was back in bed by ten. Oh.. That might be where some of my days went!
Good to know!

Me and my coffee sit here, and in joint effort are writing this morning. Such a sad concept.

The other day I started reading the book "Wild at Heart". Not only is it a really good book. But it makes one start thinking. My poor Sunday school kids ended up getting sucked into a discussion on Sunday about the subject on my mind. It was a great class though! I haven't gone on such a tangent in quite a while during class. Usually we stick to the the lesson I make. But Sunday one of the kids was mumbling about Obama. And even though I didn't vote for our current president. Nor did I petition anyone else to. I tried to make it clear to this kid that our nation voted for Obama. So he started to say that people are starting to see the error of their way and that they are turning away from what society is feeding them.

It only dawned on me then just how much children listen. But only to bits and pieces that then they place into their version of reality. In honesty I think most adults do that too. Just taking a look at society today will show you that.

So this is what started us talking about how their are many people pulling Obama's puppet strings and how Obama is showing the true colors of many many peoples twisted beliefs.

This then brought up the question of, Where are all the Christian's and what are they doing? Some how in this day an age Satan is winning.

More than anything Satan wants Christians to be silent, and hide their true feelings behind a fake smiling mask! Why? Why is Satan so scared of us? Why on earth would Satan me afraid of little ol' me?

I'm just a girl. Sometimes I feel better about myself than other times. Some times I feel as though I am running as fast as I can so the world's view doesn't catch and devour me. Recently, God stopped my running. In my eyes, it is always better to stay two steps ahead. But what if you just stand still?

Stand still and cling to God like a cat facing water submersion! Many, many tears and lots of prayer has gotten me to this point in my thinking. Stand your ground and open your mouth. Don't worry about if you will offend someone.

For a good soiled year now I have been going through King David's story with my tweens. David had a highly trusted general/friend/advisor named Joab. So not only was Joab one of David's closet friends, but he was also his most trusted advisor. And together they faced the battles that God laid before them to fight, that is where the general part comes in. So many times David and Joab had one anothers backs. Pointing God out to each other when need be.
But then something shook their happy universe. Joab killed Absalom (David's son who was trying to kill David.) David couldn't do it. Killing his son was something that needed to be done, because he was an evil man that was against God. But David saw only his son. Someone he held near and dear. Where as Joab saw what needed done no matter the pain caused, both to himself and to David.

Some may see my point of view as cold or unfeeling. But what is kinder, essentially lying to someone you love? Telling them that whatever wrong is alright because that is how they see it. And since you would hate to rock the boat, even knowing it is wrong, keep your mouth glued shut with a forced smile. Or is shedding light on what is wrong nicer? Talk it out, pray about it, think about it, and see what God says about it.

The fake smiles technique is the way Christianity in the United States has gone. Where is the boldness that once gripped the saved souls of this nation? Why force the smile? Why not force the issue God has given you the words to stand for or against? Because it is easier to run off to our youth group/church family/Bible study group and hide. Never again to be seen or heard. Stay sugary sweet, tame, unable to use the voice God gave you!

I know all of this well. I have done it. Slowly God is taking me to a point where I have to use my voice. Stand up with out any support but my God's. It feels like the supports are being kicked out from under neath of me. God places people in my life and takes them out when necessary. He is the only constant. That is something completely new to me. Just me and God.. How foreign is that?

Summer of Faith::..

It's now early afternoon and I have a cup of coffee sitting next to me.. What does that tell us? This is my last weekend, for a while to have to think about school. Next weekend I will be home free. Only one last exam on Monday night. An open note, open book biology exam! That makes me incredibly excited. This semester has been quite a ride. But in some sick way it feels like it all just started last week.

What on earth will I do with myself when I am not studying Monday afternoons for biology quizzes? Or not baking cakes and making frosting Wednesdays? What will take the place of two and a half hour lectures?

Naps, reading (I plan to get through all of the Jane Austen collection and maybe some more), working on the yard, preparing bible studies, spending long over due time with friends, writing projects, one count it ONE camp (Which I am greatly looking forward to), spending time with my family, going to the water park in Phoenix. etc. etc. etc. But what is all of this without drawing near to God in the process?

Summer like all the other seasons come with it's own trials and tribulations.
I really like the Psalms. When I was reading through the Bible, I really dreaded having to read through all of Psalms. But I really, really enjoyed it. David knew what it was like to be distant from God. He also knew what pure, passionate intimacy with his Lord was like. And he understood when he crossed the line that divides to two extremities.

Psalm 9:1-20 I will praise you, O LORD, with all my heart;
I will tell of all your wonders. I will be glad and rejoice in you;
I will sing praise to your name, O Most High.

My enemies turn back;
they stumble and perish before you.

For you have upheld my right and my cause;
you have sat on your throne, judging righteously.

You have rebuked the nations and destroyed the wicked;
you have blotted out their name for ever and ever.

Endless ruin has overtaken the enemy,
you have uprooted their cities;
even the memory of them has perished.

The LORD reigns forever;
he has established his throne for judgment.

He will judge the world in righteousness;
he will govern the peoples with justice.

The LORD is a refuge for the oppressed,
a stronghold in times of trouble.

Those who know your name will trust in you,
for you, LORD, have never forsaken those who seek you.

Sing praises to the LORD, enthroned in Zion;
proclaim among the nations what he has done.

For he who avenges blood remembers;
he does not ignore the cry of the afflicted.

O LORD, see how my enemies persecute me!
Have mercy and lift me up from the gates of death,

that I may declare your praises
in the gates of the Daughter of Zion
and there rejoice in your salvation.

The nations have fallen into the pit they have dug;
their feet are caught in the net they have hidden.

The LORD is known by his justice;
the wicked are ensnared by the work of their hands.
Higgaion. Selah

The wicked return to the grave,
all the nations that forget God.

But the needy will not always be forgotten,
nor the hope of the afflicted ever perish.

Arise, O LORD, let not man triumph;
let the nations be judged in your presence.

Strike them with terror, O LORD;
let the nations know they are but men.
Selah

So much of David's story I can relate to. No, I have not been chased by army's set out to kill me. No, my children have not tried to blot me out of this world. No, I have not cheated on my spouse. No, I have not reined over a nation.

But I do know what it is like to be distant from God. I do know how it is to feel abandon by the people around me. And I do know what it is like to only have one real friend that has been with me since the near beginning.

But on the other hand I also know first hand of the victories and triumph that only occur by God's provision. I have seen what a loving, compassionate God I serve; who will not leave me to fend for myself. I have felt what it is like to have peace, joy and contentment in God's plan and purpose for my life. God never changes in his character. It is I who push God away. But what a feeling it is to draw near to him! He hears my prayers, my cries and praises to Him. In different ways He speaks to me. Showing me that I am not forgotten. His word shows me what He has done so far and what He is more than willing to do in my life. All I have to do is trust Him!

This school year I have seen God's hand in so many areas in my life. Unlike last school year, I still hold onto a peace and joy only from God. Don't take it that I am saying that I don't have days that I struggle. But I'm not in the mess I was at the beginning of last summer.

So what is this summer other than another opportunity to trust in my Lord's plan?