Intimacy::...

My normal Monday morning routine has been disheveled by

sinus problems. I need more coffee! I have been entertaining

myself this morning with talking to one of my friends who is out of state at college.

Lately I’ve been amazed at how much better this semester is going then the last school year. I’m at a place of contentment and peace. I have no idea when I left my place of contentment last school year. But I do know I was fairly miserable by the end of it all, and I think I know why. I was using God as my personal vending machine, asking only for what I needed. There was no intimacy in my relationship with God. With all of your close friends there is always some level of intimacy. Things that only the two know and feel about the other, and my intimacy was so vague with God it was disheartening. I laugh whole heartedly at other young people when they think they need to be in a romantic relationship with someone to feel fulfilled and content. But in honesty if you’re not content with it being just you and God and you have intimacy with God no human relationship is every going to bring you the fulfillment you seek. I struggled with the “I want a boyfriend” syndrome for years, heck I still do at times. Feeling like I wouldn’t be either complete or an official “grown-up” until I introduce some guy as my boyfriend. In the past few years I can think back to a few really truly bad moods that I’ve been in. One such occasion was at an acquaintance wedding. I was still seventeen and she was a couple years older, but it was boldly in my face of what I THOUGHT I was missing.. For some sad reason I thought that I was missing out on some happiness that I deserved by not having a boyfriend and in the not so far future a wedding.

One of my dearest friends, the poor guy, was the guy closest to me so thus I decided he MUST be the one for me. After all why would God place a guy as such a good friend if he wasn’t for me! I love him dearly but as our new romantic relationship went on we both realized that it wouldn’t work. We are incredibly different when it comes to our spiritual beliefs. God protected both of us in our short lived relationship. Neither of us left the relationship feeling like we had done anything we shouldn’t have. We held hands, hugged and gave one or two kisses on the cheek but we never kissed on the lips. Which I’ve very happy about. I’m not sure how to explain this but I will try. Once you experience any form of romantic intimacy you long for more and I can guarantee you that memories do haunt you. Thus I’m extraordinarily pleased that God protected us in that area. We are still good friends, not as close as we once were but there is more honesty between us. I pray that God will provide him with a wife that will bring him delight but also one that will help build him up in the Lord.

It has taken me a good while to truly realize that happiness and contentment is NOT fulfilled in your life by romantic relationships but wholly by God who is the lover of my soul. No man can fulfill me like God can. He can try but will fall short every single time.
Being nineteen and waiting for your right man is hard sometimes. You are surrounded not only by the secular world but also the Christian community. Which one would think that waiting for your right man would be celebrated in all Christian circles, but that’s just not the case. Most look at me being nineteen and question me about why I have yet to pair myself up with a suitable husband? When I tell them of my reasoning they just tell me about how happy their daughter is now that she is married. I’m not saying this is the case with all Christian circles, I have found a few that celebrate waiting for the person God has for you but a lot don’t.

The secular community bombards everyone my age with the thought that they need to be sexually active. If your not experienced then no one will look at you and if you’re a virgin your fresh meat. I can’t believe how at school it is nothing for people to talk about the previous nights sexual endeavors like it was innocent as going goofy golfing. On the top 40 radio station in town there are two count them TWO popular songs right now that glorify oral sex. And all the rest talk about how there gonna hit the dance floor and then take it to the bed room. And my tweens at church listen to that garbage. It’s what society has declared right! But it is so far beyond wrong. On the country station you’ll hear songs about heart break. On the Indi station you’ll hear songs about romance and sex. On the Classic rock station it’s all about their last sexual conquest. And on the soft rock station it’s all about how their lover is going to come back some day. Pg-13 movies are now the new R, for sexual content and language. There are television commercials for personal vibrators. And it is nothing for all the characters in a television show aimed at teens to be sexually active. Is it any coincidence that young people are so confused about how they should live their life? I think not!

Sex is something that should be strictly in a marriage relationship. And young people should not be subdued into thinking that marriage is the next life move after high school. What if God has different plans for you? If young people want to have sex, drink, do drugs, get married, or be deeply involved in meaningless relationships far be it from me to tell them they are wrong but I challenge them to question themselves if it is God planned or their own selfish endeavor. You can’t be doing your own thing your own way AND be glorifying God and fulfilling the plan He has for you at the same time.

Why is it only a few who will walk a different path then the many? I put a picture of sky diving as the picture today. Most people think that it would be amazing to sky dive but never do because their afraid. Would you want that same fear to rule your life? Trust God to place you where He wants you and watch as your adventure unfolds.

I still like what Paul wrote!

1 Corinthians 7:7-9 (New International Version)I wish that all men were as I am. But each man has his own gift from God; one has this gift, another has that.Now to the unmarried and the widows I say: It is good for them to stay unmarried, as I am. But if they cannot control themselves, they should marry, for it is better to marry than to burn with passion.

And

Philippians 4:11 (NIV)I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances.

Kendra, this is not the post I wanted you to read.. It's the last one!