Who am I...?

Today if I only had half a brain I would be dangerous. I've tried jump starting my poor brain with coffee with no response. Twice I have attempted and failed. Oh, well.. We all have days like this. Thankfully I can still put together full sentences. That is a major plus.

Here I sit, in a concrete court yard. Surrounded by red brick buildings, and dirty white stucco walls. The birds, in the sadly small desert trees sing a merry song as I'm here waiting for writing class to start.

Lately I have been thinking about who God says I am verse who and what the world says that I am. It is so simple to buy into the worlds opinion of who you are. The world can build you up so high that you feel on cloud nine and then in an instant the world's opinion changes. Making your identity in the world come crashing to a halt. When you tumble from that pedestal you were on, it hurts. Your pride is what hurts the most. But your longing to feel accepted is crushed. Your desire for fulfilment just walked on. And you want to hide. At least that is me.

I've felt that way quite a few times in the past month or two. Within the last couple years I have mellowed greatly. It used to be that I wouldn't take any "stuff" from anybody. Slowly I have learned to be more selective about picking my battles. Or learning to just walk away. With this has also come a more compassionate side of me, that at times I wish I could chunk out the window. But I can't so I just give it to God to deal with.

The world tells women my age..

If your sexually pure, your some kind of perfect christian virginal girl. And yes, I have been called that. By a friend no less.

If your sexually lose, you're a slut, tramp, whore, whatever..

If your quite and reserved then, you are a stuff shirt or are labeled with being a social invalid.

But if your too talkative and aggressive, you are a loud mouth or a pushy witch.

If you are an outspoken christian, you are a bible thumper or a Jesus pusher.

But if you don't talk about your religious beliefs, you MUST be ashamed of them.

If you don't ask questions when talking to someone, you aren't caring.

But if you ask too many question then you, are pushy and nosey.

If you like and get along with your parents, your too parentally attached.

But if you hate or have no respect for your parents, your normal.

What am I to think of myself when this is what I am being feed by society day in and day out?

Who am I really?

What is my place in life?

What am I to do?

My desire is it dive into the bible and see who God says I am. I think this is going to be the second subject discussed in the Bible study that I'm starting May 1st for girls who are college age. Please feel free to ask me more about it if you might like to attend.

No matter the lies about ourselves that Satan tries to feed us, it is imperative that we remember who God says we are.

We are His children. We are His daughters. We are being molded into women of righteousness every day of our lives. We are dependant on our Father in every ounce of our existence. We are His bride. We were made with a purpose. What is that purpose? We are loved no matter the the circumstances or our attitude.

Who is this God we serve? What does He expect from me?

Before you embark on any romantic relationships, you get to know who you are getting in a relationship with. And you know what they think of you. You establish who you think they are. And what your willing to put into the relationship.

As the relationship is building you constantly find your self assessing and reassessing the relationship. You wonder what they think of you. You form a more informed opinion of who they are. And you try to learn if you are compatible together. This is how most relationships that God is not in the middle goes.

But wouldn't you love an adventurous romance? One where you are swept off your feet and carried off into the sunset. Embarking on lives greatest adventures with the lover of your soul. A lover who knows your thoughts, hopes and deepest hearts desires. Being drawn everyday into a more intimate relationship with the one who already knows the longings of your soul.

It's possible to have that kind of relationship with the creator of the universe. But first you have to know who He is and who He says you are.

So, thoughts are my thoughts..