God - Love & Friendship

Holy monkeys! I am boarder line dyslexic today. I was writing earlier and "b's" where "p's" and "want" was being spelled "whant". Yeah, bad. I'm blaming it on lack of coffee. But in truth it is just that all the synapses in my brain aren't connecting. I'm on cup of coffee number two, but it's more like four since the cup is so big. Big cups of coffee are amazing!

I feel like I am two steps forward and one step back,on the buying books for school front. Yesterday morning was spent searching online. Three-hundred and some dollars later I thought I was about done, except getting books that are issued by the school. But I got an e-mail, saying that I was getting a refund for the french book because the woman can't get to it until the 31st of this month. So, the search is back on!

Recently I've been trying a college group. And I've really enjoyed it. But I have noticed something about when I get around new people. When I get nervous or uncomfortable, I start talking a lot! I think it's a self-comforting coping mechanism. When leaving the last Biblestudy, I had to wonder to myself if one or more of the people there thought to them self, "Dear Lord, does she ever shut up?!?!" :) But I'm a talker naturally. That is also how I work out problems. I tend to talk and talk and talk. Thankfully my Mom is the same way, or else I would be sunk cause my Dad is the opposite. He can stuff things down, never say a word and no one would have any clue he has a problem. I however have no understanding of how someone can possibly do that. I would go nuts in a short matter of time.

Heck, Monday night I even went to a lecture about learning styles and found that talking is the main way I learn!

For some strange reason I get ideas for blogging when I pray. And this morning while I was praying for my friends, it got me thinking. Here is where anyone who knows me well goes, "Uh-Oh!" It's not that bad I swear! lol

Love comes is a few forms. God's love, which I don't care who it is that tells you they fully understand it, are lying! God's love and Christ's love are the same but different. At least how I break it down in my head. God's love is more of a parental, compassionate love. Where Christ's love is more of a sacrificial, intercessory love. The type of love that we humans understand better is tough love, it's the least fun I think, though.

But what about agape love? That only comes when we are fully relaying on God to provide that in our lives. That combines every type of love I can possibly think of.

Over my past twenty years many different people have befriend me. a few stay, many go. Some of my most beloved friends have been around for many years, and some only a few months. I love my friends, no matter how aggravated I can get with them.
But I have realized something this summer. Only God has the ability to show them love. God is more than capable to show them love without me anywhere in sight. But for some crazy reason He wants me to trust Him with my friends, and He uses me all the while. Some of my friends I haven't talked to in almost three months but that doesn't change anything. Because God talks to me each day about giving my loves to Him, no matter the distance between.

Sometimes with friends, at least with my friends, I have to walk away and lift them up to God. No matter if they think that I'm mean, hurtful, a bible thumper, negative, pushy, whatever mud they choose to sling. It's this thing called tough love and it breaks my heart to do it. One of my most beloved friends will tell you that I am completely honest when I tell someone, I love you and I will be here when you're ready to talk. My phone number, e-mail, facebook, blog, and home address don't change. Sometimes, me walking out of the picture is what it takes to let God be God to the fullest power in my friends life. I have cried many tears and prayed many prayers over this subject, especially this summer.

I have to trust God daily to fill me with His love so that I can show that same love to my friends. Agape love.

C. S. Lewis, in his book The Four Loves, lists agape as describing the highest level of love known to humanity—a selfless love, a love that was passionately committed to the well-being of the other.

Provision and my own personal entertainment:::...

My week has hurriedly flown by me. Next thing I'll know I will be going back to school, even though the summer feels as though it started yesterday!

After my many sewing mishapps the other day, I actully found myself looking for other sewing projects.. A few years ago when I was in Zambia I bought some material and came across it again yesterday. I thought that it would make a cute bag, but I needed a lining for it. Yesterday I knew that I needed to grab some stuff at Target for camp next week, so I decided that it would be a good time to stop and look for some cotton, muslin and other things at the fabric store.

One-hundred and ten dollars later I came out of there with a good lesson learned about watching what you spend at the fabric store and the amazing value of a thing called a coupon! But I have a TON of fabric, two patterns, a how to book about knitting complete with knitting needles, yearn, six spools of string, two types of ribbons for draw strings, stitch witch and I think that is all. At least all that I can remember! Now I have more projects then I know what to do with.

Tonight is the Rubies of Acknowledgement Bible study. There has been a very limited number of people coming. But I'm so thankful that the hosting family is still willing to keep their house open to me even though lately no one has come.

Monday at ten a.m, my happy little butt has to be about four and a half hours north of here for the start of camp. This year will be like no other year of Arizona camp. I'm no longer a teen camper, and I'm not a counselor (I wanted to be but they had all the positions filled). So that means that I am in the women's cabin, and an adult camper. I'm really happy and excited though because one young lady from a family of girls at my church, is eight-teen and going to be in the cabin with me. At first it was iffy if she was even going to come. And I was praying about it, and found out that even before I started praying she had decided to come.. I keep praying that God will open my eye's to what He wants me to do or learn at this camp.

This morning I was just looking at Bible Gateway and typed in "provide" to the search engine. And then proceeded to look though the five pages of passages talking about God providing. At the very end of the five pages where the passages that struck me the most interesting.

Hebrews 1:3 (NIV) The Son is the radiance of God's glory and the exact representation of his being, sustaining all things by his powerful word. After he had provided purification for sins, he sat down at the right hand of the Majesty in heaven.

This would be the verse that makes my life worth living..

1 Peter 4:11 (NIV) If anyone speaks, he should do it as one speaking the very words of God. If anyone serves, he should do it with the strength God provides, so that in all things God may be praised through Jesus Christ. To him be the glory and the power for ever and ever. Amen.

And this one is the way I want to live it..

Sewing Glasses.

Last night was a late night. No, not like you might think.

A couple weeks ago I bought some shirts over the Internet and got them a few days ago in the mail. I found out once I got them that I miss ordered and instead of ordering two mediums, here was a large and a medium. The medium fit great! However the large looked it was made for my much more "rotund" twin "Ashpudgly".. For some insane reason, I thought no problem I in my master seamstress style can take it in. A few restitches here and a tuck there and boom! It will look awesome and be a prefect fit. I started this little... "endeavor" at around one in the afternoon, took a break and cleaned, cooked dinner and helped clean out the chicken coop. And was back at it from about eight last night till eleven forty-five! But I will say that after some malfunctions, (Like stitching a sleeve back on inside out.... TWICE!) and a few choice words mumbled under my breath, it looks pretty good if I do say so myself. And it fits right, and doesn't look lopsided or anything!

But I'm really surprised that I am as awake as I am this morning..

Who ever my husband is should be really happy that we're not married yet. Cause he would probably die of food poisoning, (I'm not a great cook) and to make things worse he would be naked because of my lack of sewing ability!

Late last night when I was working on riping stitches, I stole my Mom's glasses. Which made it so much easier!

The other day Mom and I finally went of eye exams. Sad truth is that we have almost exactly the same prescription except that Mom needs bifocals!

I'm about to run off to town to buy stuff for camp and more fabric!

Summer in a Different Color::..

It's weird, just sitting here.. This summer is so different from the past two or three summers.

God told me in October of last year to sit tight this summer. I have had a nice time unwinding, and taking it easy. Many who know me, know that is not like me to sit tight. In all truth I keep having to fight off feeling a little stir crazy. I've been enjoying spending time with my family and having a lot of time to spend with God.

I've been in the word on an almost daily occurrence, which usually isn't the case when I am ubber busy with school or running all over the place like mad during the summers.

Preping Sunday school lessons, College Bible study material, camp cabin Bible studys and Blogging all have been a luxuries I don't usually have a chance to sit and ponder. Typically I'm in rush mode, but so far this summer everything has been a slow process. And it's taking a lot of adjusting to.

I knew this summer was going to be different. I don't think I realized how different. But right now is prep time and some down time so that maybe I won't be sick for five weeks straight this winter. Unlike the last few summers where I knew exactly what I was supposed to be doing each week, planned weeks ahead of time this is more like a mission trip.

A process of hurry up, be prepared and wait. It all tries my patience a good bit of the time. But this is where God has me. Sort of a strange looking holding pattern. God is drawing my heart closer and closer to His. Bring me to the point of where I need to be so I can be of the best use in His service.

This summer is a duck of a different color and I have no idea of what will be the out come, all I have to ability to do is trust God that He knows what He is doing!

Col 4:2-6 (NCV) "Continue praying, keeping alert, and always thanking God. Also pray for us that God will give us an opportunity to tell people his message. Pray that we can preach the secret that God has made known about Christ. This is why I am in prison. Pray that I can speak in a way that will make it clear, as I should. Be wise in the way you act with people who are not believers, making the most of every opportunity. When you talk, you should always be kind and pleasant so you will be able to answer everyone in the way you should."

Shallow the "New" Name for Authentic..

Cup of coffee.... number three? yeah, three. Soon to be four. Yesterday I had very little coffee and today I can't seem to pump it in fast enough. Go figure!

For the last month or so I have been thinking about people.
Not anyone in particular, but collectively. What deduction did I come to? There is a hole, almost like a piece is missing. Believers and unbelievers alike, it's not just those who check the facebook questionnaire box Christian.

More and more I'm pulling away from the facebook world.
Throughout the school year I was a hard core facebook junkie. But as I look at it, I don't like what I see. It's shallow.
Who cares what someone else ate for breakfast or that they have a song stuck in their head! Welcome to the hole.

Irony of it, one of my facebook friends wondered why people aren't being authentic with each other.

Lately I have been hitting brick walls on this matter, dealing with people my own age. It's not about people judging, or having a "me" focused philosophy,and it's not an issue of whether you show Christ's love or not. These things all hit around the main issue. Which is, are you who you are 100% of the time, or are you a different person in public then you are in private?

A lot of the time people are not the same both in public and in private. They are happy go lucky, let's love everyone, thrilled with life in public and depressed, upset, and angry in private. Often times people like to hold shallow conversation if you meet them for coffee or something, but if you talk to them in a car they become much more forth right if you are willing to listen.

Most people aren't the way you think they are 100% of the time. Think about it this way. For years society has told people, no one wants to hear your problems. Just tell everyone that everything is roses, and smile while crap rains down on you. Now days we still have that mentality ingrained in people, but society is now switching tactics. Because now people are being told everyone in the world is happy and they deserve to be happy too. BUT you have to remember that people are shoving down their feelings and smiling because no one wants to hear their problems.

So, now what we are faced with is a shallow society who tell everyone everything is rainbows and sunshine in their life. While stuffing down problems that need to be discussed but don't because they want to seem "problem free" like everyone else. So they can only keep a shallow conversation going without bursting the problematic flood gates. And if someone asks a quote, "personal question" they lash out. And call the person judgmental because of their own personal conviction. Because they know that there is some sort of inner term-oil that they can't keep shoved down forever!

Believe it or not that is only talking about unbelievers..

Believers have a whole other box of beans to deal with, on top of that!

So many believe think that they can lose there salvation because of what they do. So if they don't admit that they have a problem they are stuffing down then they "obviously" don't have any problems. What happens is this leads to a bunch of Christians who are upset, confused, and shallow.. Because they don't feel that they can say anything without God's wrath coming upon them. The problem with this is that because the Bible points out personal flaws, Church's don't like to teach the bible because it makes people feel convicted and uncomfortable. And because of that many Churches are becoming nothing more then a social club who like to wear Jesus loves me tee-shirts. (Sometimes I wonder if they get those shirts on whole sale discount, or something).

The Great Wait and Pray Game::..

It's still really nice weather here. My morning has blown by me. I got up at 5:35 a.m. to try to salvage the day. But it is better than yesterday when I think I was getting up at this time in the morning!

The meeting with the Nursing advisor went really well. However she said that after I finish next semester with a full load of co-requisites, then it will just be a waiting game. She said that the latest I will get in is fall of 2011 BUT that if people drop I could get rolled forward a semester or two. Which would mean that fall 2010 I could get in. Or Spring 2011.

So, the question now is.. What should I do while I am waiting?

There are a few options on the table.

#1. Finish out school and get a job as a PCT.
#2. Finish out school and do mission work.
#3. Finish co-requisites and a one semester EMT program and then go do mission work.
#4. Go crazy. (Not so much of an option as it is a state of mind.)

Thoughs are the options. And now to pray and see where God would lead me to go. Otherwise I could simply pick option four if I thought too much about it.

My 20th Birthday (Out of Town)