I just finished off my second cup of coffee. It was very much welcome this morning. Last night I was talking to a good friend until about two in the morning and then finished making Biology flash cards, thus not getting into bed until around three. For some silly reason my brain just turned on at eight this morning and refuses to shut off. Thus the coffee! I've had some good prayer time this morning though with the house quite because of my family being gone to Mexico. I'm ready for them to be home, it's too quite without them. So far I don't feel like I have accomplished as much as I have wanted to in their absence. But that is neither here nor there..
Isn't it funny? For about a nano second you have the feeling that you know exactly where your headed. Then things get shaken up and making you realize that you have absolutely no idea what will happen tomorrow. The one good thing I can see about this uncertainty is that it shows me exactly how dependant I am on God. In one instant I think I have everything handled and am going down the path God would have me go and the next I feel like an invalid that needs God's help to even do the simplest thing. That's a blow to the pride! Realizing that your too weak to do or say anything that could bring about good.
As of lately I have been putting a lot of thought into this. I only see the tiniest of glimpse into the future. Where would God really have me? Where should I go and what should I do next? What's the next move? I'm aware that you can just pull the Jesus card to answer these questions and say, "Well, just trust God." but does that fully answer these questions? Without God's guidance I have no idea which doors are truly open for me by God and which are opened just to tempt me into walking away from the path God laied out for me in eternity past. Maybe the Jesus card is the answer to my question. But it's so hard to just let go and allow God handle it, especially when we're dealing with something as crucial as my future. I have been willing to give God lots of my problems over the years but am I ready to trust Him with my future?
Over the past year I have slowing been making my way through Elisabeth Elliot's book "Keep a Quite Heart". Today as I have been pondering all that is going on in life and will happen I read a quote that seemed so incredibly fitting.
'From an out-of-print book, The Life and Letters of Janet Erskine Stuart. Says one who was her assistant for some years, "She delighted in seeing her plan upset by unexpected events, saying that it gave her great comfort, and that she looked on such things as an assurance that God was watching over her stewardship, was securing the accomplishment of His will, and working out His own designs. Whether she traced the secondary causes to the prayer of a child, to the imperfection of an individual, to obstacles arising from misunderstandings, or to interference of outside agencies, she was joyfully and graciously ready to recognize the indication of God's ruling hand, and to allow herself to be guided by it.
No matter the chaos of life and the pain I might feel along the way I can still take comfort and shelter in God and His grace He showers on me everyday.
Jeremiah 29:11(NIV) For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.
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