What a Friend We Have In Jesus::..

Lately I have been very disappointed. Mostly with people, many have let me down. Some have out and out told me that they could give a care less about what I say. I'm thankful for their honesty, but it hurts. Some aren't so bold and just act as though my words have fallen on deaf ears. A few promise me they will be there and aren't. Some who are people one would think would cheer me on; belittle me in front of a group. Others try to stiffle my voice to make me sound childish or bitter. Manipulation and mind games have come from people I would have never expected it to. So much wavers from day to day when you look to people to encourage and build you up.

Yesterday, Sunday, we sung What a Friend We Have in Jesus.
The words really encouraged me. Reminding me who it is that really matters. What should I care if people walk away and act in unbecoming ways? Take it to God. He knows what I am going through and He can deal with the many different situations far better than I can.

The song:

What a Friend we have in Jesus, all our sins and griefs to bear!
What a privilege to carry everything to God in prayer!
O what peace we often forfeit, O what needless pain we bear,
All because we do not carry everything to God in prayer.

Have we trials and temptations? Is there trouble anywhere?
We should never be discouraged; take it to the Lord in prayer.
Can we find a friend so faithful who will all our sorrows share?
Jesus knows our every weakness; take it to the Lord in prayer.

Are we weak and heavy laden, cumbered with a load of care?
Precious Savior, still our refuge, take it to the Lord in prayer.
Do your friends despise, forsake you? Take it to the Lord in prayer!
In His arms He’ll take and shield you; you will find a solace there.

Blessed Savior, Thou hast promised Thou wilt all our burdens bear
May we ever, Lord, be bringing all to Thee in earnest prayer.
Soon in glory bright unclouded there will be no need for prayer
Rapture, praise and endless worship will be our sweet portion there.

Who am I...?

Today if I only had half a brain I would be dangerous. I've tried jump starting my poor brain with coffee with no response. Twice I have attempted and failed. Oh, well.. We all have days like this. Thankfully I can still put together full sentences. That is a major plus.

Here I sit, in a concrete court yard. Surrounded by red brick buildings, and dirty white stucco walls. The birds, in the sadly small desert trees sing a merry song as I'm here waiting for writing class to start.

Lately I have been thinking about who God says I am verse who and what the world says that I am. It is so simple to buy into the worlds opinion of who you are. The world can build you up so high that you feel on cloud nine and then in an instant the world's opinion changes. Making your identity in the world come crashing to a halt. When you tumble from that pedestal you were on, it hurts. Your pride is what hurts the most. But your longing to feel accepted is crushed. Your desire for fulfilment just walked on. And you want to hide. At least that is me.

I've felt that way quite a few times in the past month or two. Within the last couple years I have mellowed greatly. It used to be that I wouldn't take any "stuff" from anybody. Slowly I have learned to be more selective about picking my battles. Or learning to just walk away. With this has also come a more compassionate side of me, that at times I wish I could chunk out the window. But I can't so I just give it to God to deal with.

The world tells women my age..

If your sexually pure, your some kind of perfect christian virginal girl. And yes, I have been called that. By a friend no less.

If your sexually lose, you're a slut, tramp, whore, whatever..

If your quite and reserved then, you are a stuff shirt or are labeled with being a social invalid.

But if your too talkative and aggressive, you are a loud mouth or a pushy witch.

If you are an outspoken christian, you are a bible thumper or a Jesus pusher.

But if you don't talk about your religious beliefs, you MUST be ashamed of them.

If you don't ask questions when talking to someone, you aren't caring.

But if you ask too many question then you, are pushy and nosey.

If you like and get along with your parents, your too parentally attached.

But if you hate or have no respect for your parents, your normal.

What am I to think of myself when this is what I am being feed by society day in and day out?

Who am I really?

What is my place in life?

What am I to do?

My desire is it dive into the bible and see who God says I am. I think this is going to be the second subject discussed in the Bible study that I'm starting May 1st for girls who are college age. Please feel free to ask me more about it if you might like to attend.

No matter the lies about ourselves that Satan tries to feed us, it is imperative that we remember who God says we are.

We are His children. We are His daughters. We are being molded into women of righteousness every day of our lives. We are dependant on our Father in every ounce of our existence. We are His bride. We were made with a purpose. What is that purpose? We are loved no matter the the circumstances or our attitude.

Who is this God we serve? What does He expect from me?

Before you embark on any romantic relationships, you get to know who you are getting in a relationship with. And you know what they think of you. You establish who you think they are. And what your willing to put into the relationship.

As the relationship is building you constantly find your self assessing and reassessing the relationship. You wonder what they think of you. You form a more informed opinion of who they are. And you try to learn if you are compatible together. This is how most relationships that God is not in the middle goes.

But wouldn't you love an adventurous romance? One where you are swept off your feet and carried off into the sunset. Embarking on lives greatest adventures with the lover of your soul. A lover who knows your thoughts, hopes and deepest hearts desires. Being drawn everyday into a more intimate relationship with the one who already knows the longings of your soul.

It's possible to have that kind of relationship with the creator of the universe. But first you have to know who He is and who He says you are.

So, thoughts are my thoughts..

Talking with God and Strawberry Plants:::..

This morning has been chalk full. Fridays are my off day. It's when I get the bulk of my home work done, clean the house, clean my car, ect. Fridays are also usually my one day a week that I can guarantee myself that I can sleep in. I love Fridays! Sadly this morning I woke up at seven-thirty and couldn't get my brain to shut off all of the thoughts running through my head at one-hundred miles an hour. So I was up for the day. But I feel really well rested. Although being on big cup of coffee #2 will do that too. Mom and Jake are off to park day and running around town so the house is quite and I have been left to do my own thing.

Every morning I get up and pray first thing.. It tends to get me in a better mood. If I don't have that time with God in the mornings, everyone around me the rest of the day knows it. The problem with praying consistently is that my list to pray for keeps getting longer and longer. Now it takes about an hour in the morning. It didn't start that way. But I really enjoy it. And I would suggest it to everyone. I think it's a big part of why I have stayed sane this school year. Giving all of my cares and concerns for the day over to God and letting Him handle it instead on me.

The other part of this morning has been spent on Facebook sending messages to different friends.. Oh, how I love Facebook! LOL I don't think I would have any social life what so ever if it weren't for that social networking site.

I decided to blog this morning because I have a few stories I've been meaning to share.

Fist is a story on my little brother Jake. We have been putting in a garden at our house. We have weeded, watered, pick axed, picked out rocks, turned soil, tilled, mixed in enriched soil, and finally planted.. The picture at the top of the entry is one of our strawberry plants. The other day I named the littlest of our strawberry plants Bart. Bart is the runt of the eighteen that we planted. Jake asked me, "How do you know that it's a boy?".. Instead of telling him that I had no idea what it was I said, "Well, the plants with flowers are girls and the ones with no flowers are boys. and Bart doesn't have a flower so he is a boy." With a look of astonishment he goes, "Ohhh.." Then of course the next thing out of my Mom's mouth was, "Jake, don't believe your sister. You can't tell boy plants from girl plants." Why does she have to spoil my fun? I love my brother at this age.. Please be praying for him. He goes on Thursdays to see if he needs his next heart surgery soon. Also pray that God would give my family peace about the cardiologist visit.

I say a lot of times that I talk to God in the mornings. Well, the other day He talked back. That might sound crazy but it's kind of true. All last weekend I had been worried about going to one of my classes that I have had a little bit of "difficulties" in. Recently it seems like I have been telling a lot of people not to be troubled, just give it to God and walk away. So I would worry and give it to God. And then worry and give it to God to deal with and then again and again. All weekend this went on.. The day of the class came. Again one of my friends had a troubled heart and so I was looking for a verse about not letting your heart be troubled.
Hehe.. It's funny how God works.

I had kind of felt like I was going to be like Daniel in the lions den.. And was going to class to be gobbled up. All weekend I was trying to think of what I would say in defense of my position.. And nothing was coming to me.

This was the first verse I came across.
Matt 10:19-20 (NIV) when they arrest you, do not worry about what to say or how to say it. At that time you will be given what to say,for it will not be you speaking, but the Spirit of your Father speaking through you.

This was number two.
John 17: 14-16 (NIV) I have given them your word and the world has hated them, for they are not of the world any more than I am of the world. My prayer is not that you take them out of the world but that you protect them from the evil one. They are not of the world, even as I am not of it.

It was like God was telling me that he would be with me. Cause this was number three.
John 14:16-20 (NIV) And I will ask the Father, and he will give you another Counselor to be with you forever— the Spirit of truth. The world cannot accept him, because it neither sees him nor knows him. But you know him, for he lives with you and will be in you.I will not leave you as orphans; I will come to you. Before long, the world will not see me anymore, but you will see me. Because I live, you also will live.On that day you will realize that I am in my Father, and you are in me, and I am in you.

I kind of got the point that I should just pray. This was number four.
Jame 5:13 (NIV)Is any one of you in trouble? He should pray. Is anyone happy? Let him sing songs of praise.

God doesn't ask me to do anything that He has not prepared me to do. This was number five.
John12:27-28 (NIV) "Now my heart is troubled, and what shall I say? 'Father, save me from this hour'? No, it was for this very reason I came to this hour. Father, glorify your name!"

This world and the problems that I face here are nothing compared to the eternal reward that trusting God gives me. This was number six.

2 Cor 4:16-17 (NIV)Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all.

It was really neat. I felt like God was right there calming my fears and equipping me for a challenge. Funny thing is after all that worrying. Class that day was really good and every one was really nice. Maybe God has other plans for our "talk".

The Truth in Trusting::..

"He's (God) always stretching us, you know Bilquis, until we don't have a safe handhold left except Him." It sounded good, but I still didn't like being stretched and told Synnove as much. She just laughed. "Of course you don't, dear Bilquis. Who ever wants to leave the safety of a womb? But adventure lies ahead!" - An excerpt from 'I Dared to Call Him Father'

Staying up till three a.m. talking is not kosher to waking up early and accomplishing a lot in the mornings. But honestly I would rather be sleep deprived for a million years and encourage my friends. Than be well rested and not take the time to listen, advise and pray over them.

I have a lot of people that I know. But there are very few people that I'm actually friends with. Personally, I think if everyone was honest with themselves, this is true for everybody.

Lately, in talking with my friends it has amazed me the common chord we all have going on in our lives. God is getting us ALL out of our comfort zones. And let me tell you, it's not a very easy experience. But like the excerpt says "Adventure lies ahead!"

It has always been that way in my life. God doesn't call me out of my place of safety to lead me into sorrow and distress. Yes, the adventure He calls me onto might have times of sadness but God always has a plan and a purpose for that.

To some of my friends dismay I have been reading.. A LOT and telling them to read different passages too. The life of Abraham in Genesis has been a big one lately. (Genesis 12-25)Abraham is one of the "great" men of the Bible. He had times of great success in trusting the Lord but like the rest of us he had his moments where he wanted to do things his own way.

Recently, in my own life I have felt like God is calling me to start a college age girls ministry/bible study. For about a year I have been toying with the idea. At first it was going to be another young woman and I co - leading a study of the women of the Bible. Then she found that school was enough of a bite to chew and couldn't do it with me. About three months ago one of my friends Mom's offered me the use of their beautiful home to host the study in. At that point the study morphed into a study of Esther. And I keep putting it off and putting it off. Feeling like school is smacking me around.. Now, I feel like God is really saying, "Ash, when I say now I mean NOW!". Again the study has changed direction a bit. My hope and desire is that it will be a place for college age girls to fellowship and be encouraged to be content with where God has them.

There are moments lately that I have asked God, "why me?" Why on earth would God have me be the leader of something like that? Aren't I still the age where I should be taught by an older woman? What is God wanting me to learn? Maybe that is the scariest most unsettling question of them all, "What is God wanting me to learn?" Thankfully I serve a loving God who doesn't give me more than I can handle.
But it still is a bit scary. However on the same note I'm really, really excited!
Where will this adventure lead? Who will I meet on along the way? How will my relationship with God change? All very exciting questions.

I suggest anyone reading my blog to read Ephesians and Genesis 12-25.

Well, I'm starting to write a little later than I wanted to. Mostly because I've become impossibly addicted to reading a blog my Mom showed me last week. Bad thing is when I start reading it I can't stop with just one. It's kinda like bite sized candy; it's great to think that you can eat just one but if your being honest with yourself, you know that's not going to happen!

This morning is the beginning of a very long two days. I've yet to understand why instructors give a little bit of homework over the weekend and then decide that they are going to dog pile you sometimes during the week days. Like they think theirs is the only class your attending. Oh well, God will get me through this three ring circus.

Speaking of three ring circus. Mom and I found that one should be wiser than to go to the grocery store after church on Superbowl Sunday! That is what the first picture is.. A lovely picture of all the chaos that enveloped the store.

Just recently I discovered something while sitting in Human Development.. We were having a class discussion about ethnicity, which from what my teacher says includes personal life styles. She was making it a point to enlighten the class that homosexuals are almost entirely a new ethnic grouping that we have to be sensitive to. Along of course with everything else. After all we wouldn't want to make anyone feel alienated so we must be "all inclusive".

But that is when it dawned on me. No longer is a college student, holding onto Judaic Christian values part of the majority. Only after the instructor talked about alternative life styles did I become startlingly aware, that no longer is it people separate from Biblical values living alternative life styles, but me. Now days in society I am living an alternative life style. Because I am still walking down the same path my parents lead me to when I was a small child I am the social out cast. After mauling this over for a while I realized that it actually says that in the Bible.

John 15:18-20 (NIV) "If the world hates you, keep in mind that it hated me first. If you belonged to the world, it would love you as its own. As it is, you do not belong to the world, but I have chosen you out of the world. That is why the world hates you. Remember the words I spoke to you: 'No servant is greater than his master. If they persecuted me, they will persecute you also."

The more I trust and follow Him the more of a social stigma I will have. Look at Christ, my savior, the Pharisees didn't crucify him because they thought he was a swell guy. They crucified Him because he rubbed the wrong way across the grain of society. They don't really hate me but the world hates the one I call Father.

On Sunday when my family got to church we all took notice that the church sign had been taken down. We thought that maybe it was to refurbish it seeing that is getting kinda old. But after a few minutes we found out that was not the case. They took it down because someone tagged it writing. "Satan, with a swastika on one side" and "Santan yes, santan and 666" on the other. I will admit I laughed that who ever it was couldn't spell Satan correctly, that held a funny irony. But it just comes to show that Christian majority rule in this great country of mine is over. Pray, pray for this mixing pot of a nation we live in that God would once again be in the middle of it.

That is my soap box for the day. :)

A New Day With Old Thoughts.

Waking up at five always makes me feel like I have already really accomplished something, when I haven't. Yes, I'm dressed and my lunch and dinner have been made but this would have happened by eight ten anyway. At least in this case I have a little time to blog.

I feel like I should start sing, "Back in the saddle again". It's been a while since I have been able to just sit down like this with my cup of coffee and blog in the mornings. Partly due to laziness and partly to the fact that when I was sick during break, the smell of coffee made me nauseous. But here I sit, typing away.

Yesterday for me was just one of those days that ya wake up with the best of intentions to get your whole to-do list completed but only about two out of ten things actually does manage to get wiped off the list. And they practically have to take care of themselves because you just seem inept to do anything that would even possibly be considered productive. But the great thing about yesterday was that I was able to talk if quite a few friends. This assuring me that Facebook is a beautiful thing. While talking to some and thinking about all the other people I know and all the differing situations that everyone is in, it made me think about exactly how big God is.

Monday sitting in Biology lab, we were learning about naming the veins and arteries. I couldn't help but laugh to myself. So many college kids that I talk to think that God is a God who keeps his distance. Maybe that is the view of God they picked up as they grew up or maybe this is a whole new philosophy they have deceived themselves with over the past few years. But which ever, it's wrong. No matter what you think, God doesn't sit there waiting to beat you when you fail and then is other wise indifferent. He is active in every piece and part of your life! This is why I have found Biology so funny. So many instructors tell the students that God doesn't exist and that the only explanation for human existence is Darwin's flawed theory. But then as a student you sit there staring at the board completely confused because of how detailed the most minor of body systems works. If God took so much interest in forming us, don't you think He wants to know us each deeply and personally? I know that I even struggle at times with feeling like I don't want to bore God with all the little details of my life, but in honesty the little detail is really what makes your life uniquely your own. My parents have always taken an interest in me just sitting there talking my problems out. How much more patient and attentive is my Heavenly Father than my earthly parents? He wants me to turn my littlest of life's traumas over to Him, and He is faithful to resolve them but even more to ease my own mind. So easily I can work myself up into a mental mess, feeling overwhelmed, stressed or worried but God doesn't want me to shoulder that burden He wants me to turn it over to Him. Other wise I can guarantee that Satan will eat you alive with whatever the burned he has found that works to pick at you.

1 Peter 5:6-9 (NIV) Humble yourselves, therefore, under God's mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time. Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.

Be self-controlled and alert. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. Resist him, standing firm in the faith, because you know that your brothers throughout the world are undergoing the same kind of sufferings.

I really like this Psalm. It makes me think of Biology! :)

Psalm 139:14 (NIV) I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful,
I know that full well.

A Quick Recap:::..

It's already the first day of the spring semester! Holy cow, where did my break go? Oh, yeah, five weeks of being sick, two holidays and a large family visiting for a few days that's where..

I had two sinus infections back to back. It was a thrill a minute! But I did get a lot of pleasure reading done which was a nice break from text books. Sadly I was only able to get together with two friends over break but oh well. I had been kinda bummed about being sick all break and then one of my friends put a new spin on it.. She thought that maybe it was God slowing me down so that I could finally have some time just to rest and do nothing else.. I'm always busy doing something even my summers are filled with events. And it was like God laid me up for a few weeks just to rest so that I could be ready for whatever is coming my way!

Don't tell my Mom but I might kinda, maybe, sorta, actually be excited about the writing class I'm taking this semester.. But Shhh. Don't tell her!

Strangely enough I didn't get all that I wanted to accomplish over break finished but I feel ready for school to start back. I just have to keep focused on God and all will be fine.