Just The Two Of Us

If she has been given the gift of living as a single person, she must be willing to do so, prepare to do so, and look for the work in Lord’s vineyard that doubtless He has for her. She must not dread the future, looking at it apprehensively, but must recognize that the Lord never calls His children without providing them the help that they need to accomplish His will and the ability to be happy in doing it. - Jay E. Adams

Sadly, I'm only on my second cup of coffee for the morning. I have a fairly busy day today filled with cleaning carpets, babysitting and having my best friend over for one last time before the school year starts and we never see each other again. Heck, the sad thing is that we both go to in town colleges!

For sometime now I have been pondering a subject. So, I thought I would share it. My parents and I have been praying since I was little for my future husband. But, what happens if I'm not supposed to get married? Do all those prayers go out the window? Or does God in His infinite wisdom use those prayers for something else? I have had quite a few people this summer tell me not to worry about when I'll get a husband since I'm only nineteen. However, personally I would just like to know that there is one coming down the pike. That might sound selfish or just flat weird to some, but I just wish I knew because then I might understand is some small capacity what shifts my life is going to take. After all, life is a roller coaster ride and I get sick when I can't see whats coming next.. Most likely I'm just being dumb and spending my time thinking about something that will never happen.. But I can't help but wonder.

During the summer I was surrounded by girls around my age or a tad older that seemed to all be married, engaged or thought they were dating their right man. Keep in mind that I really enjoyed all their company BUT, I just about got sick at how many times I was told, "I hope God brings you a man so you can be as happy as I am!" Allow me to say to all those who found their right man, "Please Stop!" Have they ever given a thought that we singles are right where God wants us? We live in a society, especially the christian circles, that put a tremendous amount of pressure on girls my age to get matched up so that after you finish your studies you can get married! Why do other young women feel the need to indoctrinate us full of the bliss of having a significant other? It just makes many single girls cave because they want to be "happy" too. After a young woman caves, she is no longer placing her faith in God for a husband and to fill that void . Then searches rampidly because she is on the great man hunt. Trust me. I've been there, done that. You find that when your trying to find a man to fill that space God meant for your husband, that quite honestly God DOES fill completely on His own if you let Him; you make yourself miserable and distant from God. The more you search the farther you go because you KEEP placing your faith in finding someone instead of relying on God to work on that area of your life. One of Satan's greatest lies is that you need a significant other to be happy instead of God. So there is my tirade for the day. I'm sure that this subject is bound to come back around at some point.

I like Paul he wrote this.

1 Corinthians 7:7-9 (New International Version)I wish that all men were as I am. But each man has his own gift from God; one has this gift, another has that.
Now to the unmarried and the widows I say: It is good for them to stay unmarried, as I am. But if they cannot control themselves, they should marry, for it is better to marry than to burn with passion.

2 Corinthians 5:7 (New International Version) We live by faith, not by sight.

I'm enjoying blogging in the mornings. It's like writing my own Spirit lead devotional. And no Mother I will not sign and notarise this!

For Love of Family or Foe?

"I am no longer anxious about anything", he wrote, "as I realize that He is able to carry out His will, and His will is mine. It makes no matter were He places me or how. That is for Him to consider rather than me; for in the easiest positions He will give me His grace, and in the most difficult His grace is sufficient." - Hudson Taylor

Now that I'm working on my third cup of coffee for the morning I figured I would start blogging. For the past few days I've had writers block. Not being that I don't know what to write about, more like I have too many subjects to pick from. My mind can't get them all out at once so it doesn't allow a single thought out.

School starts in a little less then a week. And I still have mixed feelings about going back. But in honesty if I keep in mind that college is not a place of rest but the for front of spiritual warfare, I think I will be fine. God will see me through yet another year. I'm quite sure of that.

For some strange reason unknown to me God must have a plan for me at college. I'm slowly learning that what is important is being led by the Holy Spirit and NOT caring about where He sends me. The main thing is just being willing to go and trusting Him with each step I take. Thus, I need to be placing me faith in the Holy Spirit. I really wish I could say that walk in the Spirit 24/7. My life would be much more interesting and blissful. But I don't, which is not only a detriment to me but to those around me as well.

When I'm not walking in the Spirit the first ones to feel the anguish is my family who I'm very close with. Whoever said that ministry starts at home should be shot. Cause personally my family is probably the hardest people for me to show love and grace to. I'm not at all saying that my family is unlovable or such a pain in the butt that you can't show them grace. That's not the case at all. My family has seen me both at my best and my worst. There always there for me, always. I guess it must have to do with my family being my safety net. I can be as big of snot as any and they'll still love me. That doesn't give me right to be obnoxious though. When I have a bad day my Mom usually gets the brunt of it. And then Kait gets to hear me fume on the phone. But Mom gets the shortest end of the stick in that deal. My great melt downs are all on poor Moms watch. Poor woman gave birth to me and NOW has to deal with a temperamental college student... Doesn't that make one want children? My family truely are my biggest encouragement. Spiritually as well as emotionally. I really don't think there is a subject of conversation we haven't broached.

My desire is that this semester I have a greater intimacy with God then I did last school year. The only way to be at peace is to enter into God's rest. Which happens through faith. I really don't want to be so busy that I can not focus on my relationship with my heavenly Father. Because when my relationship is right with Him, my relationship with others is right too. I just need to keep in mind that everything else is temporal compared to my relationship and intimacy with God.

These verses seem to fit what I was just talking about.

Colossians 2:6-7 (New International Version) So then, just as you received Christ Jesus as Lord, continue to live in him, rooted and built up in him, strengthened in the faith as you were taught, and overflowing with thankfulness.

And

Colossians 3:12-14 (New International Version) Therefore, as God's chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity.

Covered By God's Grace..

Have you ever had one of those days? The type where you wake up with full intention of completely devoting your day to God. Your prayer in the morning when you first wake up and talk to God is, "God allow my day to be for Your honor and glory, use me in whatever way You want". And your plan is to spend a few minutes of actual quality time in prayer and some intake of the word. But you never seem to get there until the end of the day.

I just had one of those kinds of days. The crazy thing is that I could almost feel God all day reaching out to me. And for some weird reason I kept saying," Hang on just a second God, I really need to get this or that done". Why does anything else matter? After a day like today I can see God's grace like a frisbee about to smack me in the forehead. The great thing is that God will provide another day for me to trust Him completely in the morning.

Alright, I know that was short. But my family is going to the water park tomorrow and I need sleep!

I'm singing the back to school blues.

Well, I finished the lesson for Sunday. But it's around eleven-ish and I don't think my brain can fully comprehend Bible Institute stuff right now, so that shall wait until tomorrow. I'm not back in school yet but a lot of schools in town recently started.

Sunday during church, my pastor was talking about spiritual warfare. It's all around each and every believer. Can you imagine that right this second a demon is fighting (of course if your a believer, a losing battle) to take over your soul? Satan is trying every way possible to destroy your relationship with God. Friends, family, class mates, co - workers you name it and Satan will try to use it! It frightens me to think that I'm stuck out on the front lines of this battle field that I can't see. But, I can totally feel the effects the war has on me. I'm faced daily with a war surrounding me, yet some people say the christian life isn't exciting! Unlike many people, I would rather be a princess warrior fighting for my Heavenly Father then sitting on the sidelines waiting for someone to take charge. The funny part is that the more I trust in my God the more furiously attacked I get. The only way to defend my self is to allow my protector to handle my attacker. What a strange concept! Isn't that so true though? I know I can't handle anything on my own, but God can deal with anything I'm willing to trust Him with. Even school children who are believers are in the heat of the battle field. Just because their young doesn't mean they don't get attacked any less then the adults!

When people ask me if I'm ready to be back in school my response is usually, "I'm looking forward to having another year accomplished". The thought of starting back excites me about as much as the thought of getting my tongue pierced, and let me tell you that's not much. Just recently I thought about my attitude the following few weeks after school let out for the summer. The conclusion wasn't pretty. Because of being overwhelmed by school I lacked the time for an intimate relationship with my Lord. At school it seemed to me that I was surrounded and being attaked from every direction. The weeks after school finished I was actually a little gun shy about talking with other about God because I had been so beat down for having the beliefs that I still hold strong to. Even with other believers that I knew shared the same vauls as me, I was still distant when talking about God. It wasn't until the beginning of Tulsa camp that I actually felt open to freely talk about God and not have anyone beat me down for it. Then it dawned on me, school is a marked battle ground. The biology buildings should have a hazard sign on it that says 'Beware, prepair for Darwinism ahead'. At least give the poor college students some road signs!

This school year my biggest desire is to keep an intimate relationship with my Maker number one in my life.. Even if that means getting a 'B' on an exam instead of an 'A' because I was spending the morning with my heavenly Father thus having less time to study.. But I really will need to pray about that because for a perfectionist like me a 'B' is like a kick in the gut. But this school year God will take priority! The only reason I'm at college is to get my nursing degree so that I can go into ministry with the main goal to glorify God. So, why exactly should my goal in college not be to glorify God? Wow, I've used the name God a lot in this post. I was just looking at that. College is a great place to suck out your soul if your not trusting God and walking by faith.

Hebrews 11:1 (NIV) Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see.

And

Philippians 4:19-20 (NIV) And my God will meet all your needs according to his glorious riches in Christ Jesus. To our God and Father be glory for ever and ever. Amen.

My Great Sustainer.

So.. Today being Sunday, I did what I do every Sunday. My Mom woke me up. I then woke up just enough to start praying and then fell back asleep. Once my Mom woke me up yet again, I was fairly shocked because I found that now I had half an hour to be ready for church. Church was awesome today. First service made me think, the warnings that are through out Hebrews makes one do that sort of thing. The kids in my class during second service were attentive and asking question that rivaled some I've heard from adults. My Dad and I went and had lunch at the park then we went back to the church to wait for Bible Institute to start. I took an all too short of a nap on the couch in my Sunday school class room. Then we had BI for a little over two hours. Sundays are always one of my busiest days out of the whole week. I have Sundays like today that make me excited for the next one. And other Sundays that make me dread all week my busiest day to come. One thing I was thinking about today was that God does two things in my life at times. He either delivers me through a situation or He delivers me from the situation. But He can't do either if I'm not willing to trust Him. Some times I face something that I ask God to deliver me from and since I am human I just want God to take the situation from me completely. However since God is God and has a plan and purpose for everything sometimes instead of taking away my problem He takes me by the hand and leads me through it each step of the way.. Sometimes God has a bigger plan for our hardship that we face. We have to be willing to trust God through what ever we face. Because the only obedience God is looking for from us is our Faith. Simply trusting in His perfect plan for us, that He laid out in eternity past for each and every believer. I found 2 Cor 1:3-5 really neat.

2 Cor 1:3-5 (NIV) Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God. For just as the sufferings of Christ flow over into our lives, so also through Christ our comfort overflows.

I know that though out my time as a believer I have been comforted by God on numerous occasions. The only way I can feel that comfort is by trusting in the Holy Spirit to comfort me. The only time that a believer can show God's comfort to others is when they are filled with the Holy Spirit. Meaning they are trusting in the Spirit to direct their lives. At the beginning of your day you don't set out to comfort someone, you don't think to yourself "Gee, today I need to comfort at least one person". It's something the Spirit will lead you to do and sometimes you don't ever realize your doing it, in some cases you never find out. But God knows exactly what each and every one of His children need to grow their relationship and intimacy with Him. I have had times were I'm the one being comforted and other times where I find out that I am person God is using to comfort someone.

As I venture on my adventure of life, I am amazed that God can and will use everyone and everything to His honor and glory. The question I have to pose to myself is, "How will I be used?" Will I allow myself to trust the God who sustains all things and be used in a positive way. Or, will I reject God's grace and travel down my own road only to end up as a picture of how not to live this short life.

2 Cor 12:9 (NIV) But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me.

I think that is the perfect verse to leave off with. My God's grace is enough.

You know.. I honestly think this blog is more for me then anyone else.

God Has A Hand In Everything..

"Jesus Christ does not want to be our helper, He wants to be our life. He does not want us to work for Him. He wants us to let Him do His work through us, using us as we use a pencil to write with." - Charles Trumbull

Last night after watching 'Becoming Jane' for the second time, I wished I was Jane Austin. Her writing and word usage is phenomenal. She lived by her pen all her adult years. The stories she wrote not only make every young woman pine to be like the story's heroin but also long for adventure. After pondering the thought of transforming myself into Jane Austin, I decided something. Unlike her I would much rather write through my living, not live through my writing. Plus, God is so much better of a writer then I could ever imagine to be any ways. So why don't I just let Him write an adventure for me?

The other day I began preparing for the college girls bible study that I'm hoping to start soon. My plan is to go through and study the great women of faith in the Bible, starting with Esther. I have read through the book of Esther so many times that it has gotten to be a challenge to see new things as I read and study. So before I began I prayed, asking God to show me something new! I only read through the beginning excerpt in my study bible and the first chapter, but I thought what I found was amazing. The author of the excerpt happened to mention that the omission of the words God and worship is purposeful by the author of Esther. With the omission of God and Worship it actually makes the presence of God MORE apparent. When you look at the story every time you see something unimaginably miraculous happen it's always God. As I looked at the first chapter I could see how God PERFECTLY laid the ground work for Esther. Before King Xerxes ever lied eyes on Esther, God was preparing a path for her to become queen! She was in a position where she could help her people at the exact time they were in dire need. Now, I'm not one to think that my God gets taken by surprise. God planned all of it to happen for the purpose of glorifying Him! How awesome is that? After the Bible was written God didn't stop laying out His plan in His children's lives. If your willing to trust Him with the pen to your life God will write a story for you that will be greater then anything you could have dreamt of.

I have the best time rereading past journal entries. My story is unique to me like everyone Else's is to them. God knows me, because He made me. He wants to fulfill the longings of my heart. God made me so that I crave adventure and the thrill of the unknown. Everyday that I decided to trust my Father is stepping out into the unknown. I learned a few years ago to never underestimate God. When I place my faith in God to direct my path and my mouth (that's a big one!) He allows me experiences that I could have never imagined.

When I was fifteen a missionary couple came to my church and gave a missions report while they were visiting. The entire time that wife spoke of the ministry God has allowed her to have in India I had cold chills. At lunch that afternoon I started crying my eyes out. When my Mom asked me what was wrong, I told her that after listening that morning I felt like God was calling me on to the mission field. Most would think that, going into foreign ministry is not something to cry over but I didn't know what to do or how to get there. The question running through my mine was, who in their right mine would take a fifteen year old with them to a foreign country? Strangely enough God had planted the seed in my mind in the beginning of 2005 and that summer Pat a pastors wife and missionary from Oklahoma came to where I live and did a mission boot camp. Pat told everyone at the first mission boot camp that anyone that she thought did well during the camp was more then welcome to go with her on a mission trip to Zambia Africa in the spring of 2006. So, at the age of sixteen I went and taught in Zambia. It was one of the most amazing experiences of my life. Over the past two summers I have worked camps in four different states, which is great training for ministry in the future. God has also allowed me the opportunity to be the tween teacher at my church. Right now as I write this, I'm going through the same bible institute course that the mission organization I'm planning on being sent through sends to the pastors institutes in Africa for training pastors to teach. Hopefully we will be finished with the program this January because in February one of the students is leaving for Africa! I'm going into my second year of college to become a nurse and I have full hope to then spend the rest of my life in ministry. I really would like to go live abroad nursing physical wound and sickness then teaching the people about my God who heals their spirit. Most people think I'm crazy, others think I'm gifted but I'm just the way God intended me to be. And that is set apart for Him.

So far that is my story, Every day God shows me more of the story that he wrote for me. I wish I could read the whole book right now. Actually, I wish even more that I could just read the ending then I would know all that I will encounter in my life. But then that would ruin the ending. God is my author and I can do nothing without Him. My life is void if He doesn't hold the pen to my life. So far He has written a story for me that I thank Him for everyday. Esther too had a God written story, hers just happens to be in the Bible. Both her and I can do nothing apart from our God who can do everything.

John 15:5 (NIV) "I am the vine; you are the branches. If a man remains in me and I in him, he will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing."

My Summer Revelation From Beginning To End..

First I would like to inform those reading that I am a little addicted to blogging, now that I have stared. I was thinking all day about what I could write in another blog. Pondering, praying and talking with a friend of mine. I met my friend for coffee today and we talked of many things. School, work, summer adventures, and then like all conversations of single college age girls we landed on the subject of relationships.. We've both been through some interesting boy dilemmas, just to end up a day late and a dollar short. We both agreed on the thought that maybe we just look for relationships because we're afraid we might end up alone.

It seems to us like many of our peers are in long term, serious relationships that are headed straight towards marriage. We must pose the question to our selves though, "How many of our peers will still be happily married in five or more years?"

I was watching Pride and Prejudice for about the tenth time today. Then it hit me why almost ALL girls love that movie and the book even more. Elizabeth is told by her mother over and over again that she is plain and is predestined to be an old maid. If you don't lie to your self, every single girl has that same fear. I honestly think that could be single handedly my biggest fear, but worst yet I fear to live a life void of a God written adventure! At the end of the movie 'plain' Elizabeth is swept into the arms of her Mr. Darcy, and it is implyed that she lives for a grand adventure in life and gets to be the heroin to boot! That would be why all females LOVE that movie.. And there's not a doubt in my mine..

This summer has been a great learning experience for me. I really love looking back on things that happen and being amazed at how God has His hand in the everything in each step of the journey.

In the beginning of summer I was in a funk. The bad thing is I know exactly why I was in a funk too. I was using God as my personal vending machine, I would quickly input my prayers which was usually a list of "God please do this". My time in the word was very slim mostly to study for teaching on Sunday or Bible Institute. The misery I felt was self inflicted, which then had dirt rubbed on the wound by the world (mostly school, and the people there). I was out of school nine days before I left for Tulsa. Those nine days were spent rushing around preparing to be gone for what I thought would ONLY be three weeks, so there was no real time for my relationship with God in that mess. Once I got to Tulsa I was surrounded by my second church family, let's call them my church family away from church family! I love them all so much! Everyone was preparing for a friends wedding that was that weekend. It was all great fun, but I still had dirt in my very open wound that needed to be removed of and there was only one man for the job, GOD. And my poor Mother who should be put up for Sainthood had to listen every night on the phone to me getting the dirt cleaned out. There is one family that I absolutely think is amazing and I happen to spend lots of time with them while I'm there and they have a son who I've done mission trips with. We all know where this one is going... I have tried for two years to have a friendship with this guy, and NOTHING has come about. I finally figured out that I know and love his family but I'm only an acquaintance of his. I know so much about him only because of what others tell me about him..

So, the problem is that the world tells nineteen year old girls that if there not in a relationship that they are either a social reject or heinously deformed. Thus, we have Ashley who is in a funk, seeing boy with great man potential and an amazing family then on the back burner society is telling her that she needs a man. Needless to say, Ashley was a tad frustrated!

God was working on me and I was dragging my feet, as always. After that week I was thrown into two weeks as a camp councilor, being so busy that I would have forgot my own name if it weren't for the name tag hanging around my neck. I had two weeks at home-ish and then was called to be a councilor at Florida right after I had committed to going as an adult camper to Arizona camp, literally MINUTES apart. Before Florida camp I was to a point that the thought of it being just me and God for a good while (we're talking' years) was alright but still left a touch of a bitter taste in my mouth.

At camp I was introduced to three other amazing young women who were also councilors. One had been happily married for almost the last year, one had just been shown the man of her dreams by God and was engaged, and one thought she was courting her right man. Then there was me and my man God. I was a bit of the odd man out, but as I thought about it I was alright with that. I was AMAZED at exactly how alright I was with it. I realized that if I was at the point in my life where all those other young ladies are, I wouldn't be where I'm supposed to be! I know that I am of so much more value to the ministry God has me called to right now being single then I ever would being in a love daze. Of course if it is in God's plan for me to be married I would be over joyed but coming home from Florida I felt called to a God given singleness.

Single does not mean plain, deformed or of ALL things alone! It means free... You are free to leave at the drop of a hat to run away on a God lead adventure! I know that the type of life I want to live is not most peoples cup of tea, but it's very exciting to me and something God has given me the desire to do. Most guys give me one of two responses when I inform them of my desires. Number one would be, "That's great, I so glad that God has given YOU a burden to go and do that. Let me know when YOU leave so that I can be praying for YOU." Notice there is NOTHING about them having the same desires. :) The second one would be the very honest answer, " What the he** are you thinking? There is no central air, no toilets, no hot water.. ect.ect. You could be killed!" My usual answer is that, I could be killed walking across the street, esspecially in the town with the drivers that I do.

So, that leads us to Arizona camp.. At that camp I thought I was going to only be an adult camper. As I'm saying my hello's the camp director comes over and asks me if I would be willing to fill in for a councilor in the 10-12 year old cabin. It was great fun, I love that age group! The first afternoon of activities I signed up for a nature survival hike thinking one of the older men was going to lead it.. NO, of course not it was a good looking, young, former marine, who wants to be a missionary to where of all places but Africa!

So, I have come to the conclusion that I need to keep my relationship with my heavenly father number one in my life to stay out of a funk. Being single for at least a few more years might actually be alright with me. And God does actually make the type of guys that fit my desires even if the ones I talked about are meant for some other young ladies, I at least know the mold wasn't broken after my father's generation.

I'm very excited I just got a new Eric Ludy book called 'When God Writes Your Life Story'. It's all about living a life filled by a God written adventure!

Plus, life is good. I got music on my blog!

Is it all going to be too much?

God's dreamers are always unpractical, but in the end... their dreams always come true. - Amy Carmichael

Hu. I kind of feel like this right now. College starts back at the end of the month which means so does a crazy schedule. Twelve credit hours plus double time in bible institute so we can get through by January and say good bye to a fellow BI student in February. After talking the other night to a younger friend of mine who is starting college this Fall, I really feel like God is calling me to start a college girls bible study. One of my friends I met in school last year, thought the Christian club I was in kicked around the idea of starting a bible study. But, now I really feel like it needs to be established.

The tweens at church are awesome. I really have loved teaching that class and plan to keep it going. It has it's moments of struggle but there are also small victories along the way. It's always hard to get a volunteer to pray. It was awesome the first time I heard one of the girls in the class pray. Her prayers are starting to get longer in lenght and more indepth, it's amazing to watch as her little relationship with God the Father turns into a larger more complex relationship one where she knows beyond a doubt that He hears her and will respond with His great love for her! One of my best friends little brothers just moved up to the tween class from the kids Sunday school. I was shocked when on his first or second day in the class he volunteered to pray. And pray he did, he just poured his little heart out to the Father. It was so neat!It's great fun and a grand privilege to be allowed so many opportunities to sit back and watch God work.

So twelve hours (full time) at school,tween class, bible institute and the college bible study. I feel like I have a full plate and only two of those things are actually in full swing.

I know that God will provide a way for me to get to the other side of what seems like a mountain before me. Hehe, darn Phil 4:13 (KJV)I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me. Oh, no.. What about Phil 4:6-7 (NASB)Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God.
And the peace of God, which surpasses all comprehension, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

So,I guess everything might be alright after all. :) I can't wait to see what these next few months have to offer! Far be it from me to say that I have ANY clue to what God has planned. I'm just here for the ride and can only live my life by having faith in God's plan and in the Holy Spirit to guide me to where He wants me.

We have a God who delights in impossibilities and who asks, "Is anything too hard for Me?" - Andrew Murray

A New Day....

Today is another new day. A day that I can either choose for or against my relationship with my Heavenly Father. Which am I going to choose?

I found a lot this summer that with working at camps I would have this same conversation with myself. It was funny, sometimes I would be so busy in the mornings that no one would even realize that I was praying while getting all my girls ready. :)

Prayer was about the only thing that kept me alive this summer. If I was stressed, I would pray. If I was having difficulties with a child I would pray. For sickness, pray. All sorts of things to pray for and even more to thank God for!

Why don't I thank God more? He provides everything AND more then I need, He even throws in excitement and puffy clouds because he knows that I like those both so well. Every now and then God and I have a fun conversation about all the puffy clouds he placed in the sky for me that day! Yes, there is billions of people on the planet and He put them there for me. :) But, when my soul is in panic mode which in honesty has been the case a lot of the school year I don't look at the puffy clouds. I tell myself, "I don't have the time." But I have found myself many many times during the school year saying, "I don't have time for God today." I didn't mean to, I just would have school projects that I was feeling the heat of. The strange thing was that on days that I started by giving it to God to let Him deal with I would get ten times more stuff done on my to-do list.

It's strange for me to thing that God, The Creator of the universe! Loves me more then I love myself. Cause let me tell ya what, most days I don't think my poo stinks. So, I'm quite the avid Ashley fan. But God loves me more then I love me! What a concept! He wants even better for me then what I want for myself. But this means I have to daily turn to Him and be willing to let Him guide me in the day. The only way I can do this is BY FAITH. By faith return to God and allow Him to lead the way.

Jer 29:11 (NIV) "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

AND

2 Cor 12:9 (NIV) But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me.

He Loves Me, He'll Provide For Me, I Just Might Trust Him.

Lately I have been thinking and talking to others girls a lot about just letting go and letting God handle things in life. My thought is why make yourself miserable when all you HAVE to do is give it up to God and let Him deal with it. I know I have been guilty on numerous occasions of making myself miserable because I wanted the power and control of the situation, so I didn't let God take care of it. I found myself in a weird sort of funk, one that I neither liked or wanted to be in I was just there. Once I finally let God have control of the situation I was almost instantaneously relieved. So why exactly do I not ALWAYS allow God to do it?