First I would like to inform those reading that I am a little addicted to blogging, now that I have stared. I was thinking all day about what I could write in another blog. Pondering, praying and talking with a friend of mine. I met my friend for coffee today and we talked of many things. School, work, summer adventures, and then like all conversations of single college age girls we landed on the subject of relationships.. We've both been through some interesting boy dilemmas, just to end up a day late and a dollar short. We both agreed on the thought that maybe we just look for relationships because we're afraid we might end up alone.
It seems to us like many of our peers are in long term, serious relationships that are headed straight towards marriage. We must pose the question to our selves though, "How many of our peers will still be happily married in five or more years?"
I was watching Pride and Prejudice for about the tenth time today. Then it hit me why almost ALL girls love that movie and the book even more. Elizabeth is told by her mother over and over again that she is plain and is predestined to be an old maid. If you don't lie to your self, every single girl has that same fear. I honestly think that could be single handedly my biggest fear, but worst yet I fear to live a life void of a God written adventure! At the end of the movie 'plain' Elizabeth is swept into the arms of her Mr. Darcy, and it is implyed that she lives for a grand adventure in life and gets to be the heroin to boot! That would be why all females LOVE that movie.. And there's not a doubt in my mine..
This summer has been a great learning experience for me. I really love looking back on things that happen and being amazed at how God has His hand in the everything in each step of the journey.
In the beginning of summer I was in a funk. The bad thing is I know exactly why I was in a funk too. I was using God as my personal vending machine, I would quickly input my prayers which was usually a list of "God please do this". My time in the word was very slim mostly to study for teaching on Sunday or Bible Institute. The misery I felt was self inflicted, which then had dirt rubbed on the wound by the world (mostly school, and the people there). I was out of school nine days before I left for Tulsa. Those nine days were spent rushing around preparing to be gone for what I thought would ONLY be three weeks, so there was no real time for my relationship with God in that mess. Once I got to Tulsa I was surrounded by my second church family, let's call them my church family away from church family! I love them all so much! Everyone was preparing for a friends wedding that was that weekend. It was all great fun, but I still had dirt in my very open wound that needed to be removed of and there was only one man for the job, GOD. And my poor Mother who should be put up for Sainthood had to listen every night on the phone to me getting the dirt cleaned out. There is one family that I absolutely think is amazing and I happen to spend lots of time with them while I'm there and they have a son who I've done mission trips with. We all know where this one is going... I have tried for two years to have a friendship with this guy, and NOTHING has come about. I finally figured out that I know and love his family but I'm only an acquaintance of his. I know so much about him only because of what others tell me about him..
So, the problem is that the world tells nineteen year old girls that if there not in a relationship that they are either a social reject or heinously deformed. Thus, we have Ashley who is in a funk, seeing boy with great man potential and an amazing family then on the back burner society is telling her that she needs a man. Needless to say, Ashley was a tad frustrated!
God was working on me and I was dragging my feet, as always. After that week I was thrown into two weeks as a camp councilor, being so busy that I would have forgot my own name if it weren't for the name tag hanging around my neck. I had two weeks at home-ish and then was called to be a councilor at Florida right after I had committed to going as an adult camper to Arizona camp, literally MINUTES apart. Before Florida camp I was to a point that the thought of it being just me and God for a good while (we're talking' years) was alright but still left a touch of a bitter taste in my mouth.
At camp I was introduced to three other amazing young women who were also councilors. One had been happily married for almost the last year, one had just been shown the man of her dreams by God and was engaged, and one thought she was courting her right man. Then there was me and my man God. I was a bit of the odd man out, but as I thought about it I was alright with that. I was AMAZED at exactly how alright I was with it. I realized that if I was at the point in my life where all those other young ladies are, I wouldn't be where I'm supposed to be! I know that I am of so much more value to the ministry God has me called to right now being single then I ever would being in a love daze. Of course if it is in God's plan for me to be married I would be over joyed but coming home from Florida I felt called to a God given singleness.
Single does not mean plain, deformed or of ALL things alone! It means free... You are free to leave at the drop of a hat to run away on a God lead adventure! I know that the type of life I want to live is not most peoples cup of tea, but it's very exciting to me and something God has given me the desire to do. Most guys give me one of two responses when I inform them of my desires. Number one would be, "That's great, I so glad that God has given YOU a burden to go and do that. Let me know when YOU leave so that I can be praying for YOU." Notice there is NOTHING about them having the same desires. :) The second one would be the very honest answer, " What the he** are you thinking? There is no central air, no toilets, no hot water.. ect.ect. You could be killed!" My usual answer is that, I could be killed walking across the street, esspecially in the town with the drivers that I do.
So, that leads us to Arizona camp.. At that camp I thought I was going to only be an adult camper. As I'm saying my hello's the camp director comes over and asks me if I would be willing to fill in for a councilor in the 10-12 year old cabin. It was great fun, I love that age group! The first afternoon of activities I signed up for a nature survival hike thinking one of the older men was going to lead it.. NO, of course not it was a good looking, young, former marine, who wants to be a missionary to where of all places but Africa!
So, I have come to the conclusion that I need to keep my relationship with my heavenly father number one in my life to stay out of a funk. Being single for at least a few more years might actually be alright with me. And God does actually make the type of guys that fit my desires even if the ones I talked about are meant for some other young ladies, I at least know the mold wasn't broken after my father's generation.
I'm very excited I just got a new Eric Ludy book called 'When God Writes Your Life Story'. It's all about living a life filled by a God written adventure!
Plus, life is good. I got music on my blog!
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