Just a little note::...

Just my luck, the first weekend of Christmas break passed by me and I was sick. But I'm glad it was this weekend when I could just sit and read or sleep instead of last weekend when I was preping for finals. Friday I found out that I got an "A" in bio 201, now all I have left in way of prerequsits is biology 202 next semester! It seems crazy to me how every thing seems to be flying by me in a frenzy. Last I remeber is was October, where did the semester go?

It's Finally Finals::..

My last blog entry was only two and a half weeks ago but it feels like it was a month ago! So much is going on around me with school coming to a close and everyone rushing off to here or there for Christmas. After hearing about what my friends are all having to do for finals, I feel like I really lucked out. All that I have this coming week is one chapter exam for Psychobabble and two open note finals. Where as friends have to apply how biology and chemistry go hand and hand and write papers and things on the subject! The crazy thing is this time next week I will have completed my third semester of college. Praise God! Last week I went and talked to the nursing advisor and if I get a "B" in Biology next semester I will be able to put in for the nursing program. Which is very exciting, but it's a little nerve raking to see a little bit of light at the end of the tunnel.

Just to clarify for those possibly wondering, yes I have my cup of coffee sitting next to me!

One big hint that it is Christmas time around town is all the snow birds! None of which have any idea how to drive more then 45 mph. My grocery store is plagued by them. Yesterday coming out of the grocery store while waiting to get on the main road I spotted a sign for "X-mas" light instillation. For some reason I had a huge desire to hop out of my car and ever so kindly remove said sign.

"X-mas" huh? If the Christians who celebrate CHRISTmas worship God, do those who celebrate "X-mas" worship Santa Clause? A fat, make believe dude, who breaks into your house, eats your cookies, and leaves you i-pods. Compared to the son of God who died on the cross for your sins so that you could go to heaven and be with Him and His dad the maker of the universe!

Or is it that people are just scared of associating themselves with Christ? I know that at school the only reference you will hear about Christ is in the form of a curse word. I truly do believe that people run away from all reference of God because the Holy Spirit is convicting them of their need FOR God. But that's just me.

It seems crazy that Christmas is only in thirteen days and school gets out in SIX days!

People have been denying the name of Christ since before He was their savior.

John 19:12-16 (New International Version)
From then on, Pilate tried to set Jesus free, but the Jews kept shouting, "If you let this man go, you are no friend of Caesar. Anyone who claims to be a king opposes Caesar." When Pilate heard this, he brought Jesus out and sat down on the judge's seat at a place known as the Stone Pavement (which in Aramaic is Gabbatha). 14It was the day of Preparation of Passover Week, about the sixth hour. "Here is your king," Pilate said to the Jews. But they shouted, "Take him away! Take him away! Crucify him!" "Shall I crucify your king?" Pilate asked. "We have no king but Caesar," the chief priests answered. Finally Pilate handed him over to them to be crucified.

How amazing is it that to be crucified was God's plan all along.

This baby is our Lord,

Luke 2:9- 12 (NIV)
An angel of the Lord appeared to them, and the glory of the Lord shone around them, and they were terrified. But the angel said to them, "Do not be afraid. I bring you good news of great joy that will be for all the people. Today in the town of David a Savior has been born to you; he is Christ the Lord. This will be a sign to you: You will find a baby wrapped in cloths and lying in a manger."

For the past two mornings I have been waking up at five forty five. Weird, I know! I've kind of strangely enjoyed it though. It feel like I get more done in my day, plus I can have some alone time with God before any of my family gets their bright shiny faces out of bed. Me in all my excitement went to sleep Friday night at eight and last night at nine. I'm one crazy party animal on the weekend. But to my defense I didn't go to sleep until three a.m. on Thursday night because I was staying over at a friends house.

Friday my friend and I went to see "Twilight". Can you believe that I went to the movie without knowing really anything about the plot line other than it was about a vampire boy and a human girl that fall in love? After watching the movie, I think I have a handle on why girls all over are so freakishly obsessed with the books. In the movie at least Edward is so incredibly intoxicated by Bella. He wants her drawn in closer and closer to him, but he's afraid he is going to hurt her. Not only that but he takes change of situations and is protective of Bella. All girls want a guy who will protect them, and take change yet tell them how much they love them and want nothing more than to bask in their presence.. I know I would fall all over a guy who was like that. Just add that he is a strong christian and wants to serve God and you'd never see me again cause I would be following him around. :)
I told my friend about my revelation about the plot on the way home and she laughed at me an say's, "Your probably going to compare that with how God is with us, huh?" Well, I wasn't until she mentioned it! BUT, it is the more I think about it. That is way I love Psalm 16 so much I think..

Alright, so I have been reading through the bible and am now in Psalms. The other day I saw this chapter and thought I would share it. Psalms chapter 16 really spoke to me for some strange reason..

Psalm 16:1-11 (New Century Version)

Protect me, God,because I trust in you.
I said to the Lord, "You are my Lord.
Every good thing I have comes from you."
As for the godly people in the world,
they are the wonderful ones I enjoy.
But those who turn to idols
will have much pain.
I will not offer blood to those idols
or even speak their names.
No, the Lord is all I need.
He takes care of me.
My share in life has been pleasant;
my part has been beautiful.

I praise the Lord because he advises me.
Even at night, I feel his leading.
I keep the Lord before me always.
Because he is close by my side,
I will not be hurt.
So I rejoice and am glad.
Even my body has hope,
because you will not leave me in the grave.
You will not let your holy one rot.
You will teach me how to live a holy life.
Being with you will fill me with joy;
at your right hand I will find pleasure forever.

This fit me so well. I feel like I could relate to David. Even though the people around me aren't worshiping actual like idol statues instead they are worshiping the idol of instant gratification. The I want it and I want it now syndrome. Which I'm not saying I never get caught up in but when I realize that I am I look back to God for guidance.

I was really dreading reading through Psalms for some strange reason. But as I read I am amazed at how God has provided and the miracles He dispenses.

Holding Tightly::...

This past week has flown by me. Veterans day was a nice break from the norm of my schedule. It also meant only three days of school instead of four, but who's counting? I was happy on Tuesday because I heard from one of my dear friends stationed in Iraq, I had last heard from him two months ago when he shipped out. So, it was nice to hear his voice and know that he is alright and that God is still encouraging and working on him even in the middle of Iraq. That's a strange place for God to work on anyone but He can pick any place He pleases to use to teach us.

This school year God has been using my circumstances to teach me. Satan has used many things I cherish and distorted them into something heart breaking. But that has given me an option to either pull closer to God or away from Him. I could be like Job and curse God for pulling away things that I have loved for so long or I could praise God for seeing me through the rough times.

Job 6:1-3 Then Job answered: "I wish my suffering could be weighed and my misery put on scales. My sadness would be heavier than the sand of the seas. No wonder my words seem careless.

When I get upset and my relationship with God is troubled my mouth is the first thing that goes. Like the Reliant K song says, " I can conger up a phrase that can cut to the quick." I guarantee that if I was in the same place spiritually as I was this time last school year I could easily pull away from God and from others. But this semester it's not so much me struggling as thoughs around me.

Even though it's hard to see those closest to you struggle, God provides a way even when we can't see the door. Personally it has been a growing experience. Last school year God called me asking for me to trust Him for contentment. Where as this school year it seems He wants me to trust Him with my future and more importantly my dearest of friends.

1 Timothy 4:12-13 Do not let anyone treat you as if you are unimportant because you are young. Instead, be an example to the believers with your words, your actions, your love, your faith, and your pure life. Until I come, continue to read the Scriptures to the people, strengthen them, and teach them.

Even though I'm young, heck I'm only 19! I can still be there for thoughs around me, love them with my words and my actions and be praying for them. Some of them that is all I'm capable of doing, is pray for them.

2 Corinthians 1:3-5 Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ. God is the Father who is full of mercy and all comfort. He comforts us every time we have trouble, so when others have trouble, we can comfort them with the same comfort God gives us. We share in the many sufferings of Christ. In the same way, much comfort comes to us through Christ.

God has placed me where I am today with a purpose and if I look to Him He will give me guidance. So many times even lately God has comforted me. And through my Heavenly Father and can show love and comfort to thoughs around me who are hurting. Just like everyone else I am human and have had my trials, and God has lead me by the hand and gotten me through each and every one. We believers are to point every hurting person whether friend or foe to that same great comforter so they too can be lead to a place of contentment.

Even with all that I have been going through and trails that Satan I'm sure will keep throwing my way, I know that my heavenly Father will guide me through. My hand is His to hold and I know that there has never been a time of more misery in my life then when I have retracted my hand from God's reach.

Psalm 91: 2 I will say to the Lord, "You are my place of safety and protection. You are my God and I trust you."

When Acknowlegdement Hits the Road::..

Pain, plagues my body after a day of cleaning the yard. My family and I made a significant improvement in the front but the back still has weeds that rival the height of Jack's bean stalk.

I still have to finish Bible Institute and study for my biology quiz on Monday.

For Bible Institute this week I have to expound on last weeks ten minute lesson of Proverbs 3:5-5 and make it a twenty minute lesson.

Picking up right where I left off last week.

Proverbs 3:5-6 (NIV) Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge in Him, and he will make your paths straight.

Looking at what the word acknowledge means opened up my whole pyridine of that verse. Let me tell you, that verse makes for a great memory verse when your in Awana's but it hits you hard when you grow up.

I know God has slowly been working on me, making it clear to me where in my life I'm not acknowledging Him. One of the HUGE things on that list is my future.

Since I was young I have been one of those people who always liked to have a plan of action. And as I've gotten older I've made attempts to stay that way. But God is slowly working my future out from my tight grasp, forcing me to turn it over to Him. Because in all honesty I don't know what else to do.

What if the plans God has for me is different then what most people had hoped for me? Will I be exiled? Trust me that has been a huge question on my mind. But even if I am exiled, I can take assurance that God has a plan and a purpose for it.

Jeremiah 29:11-13 (NIV) For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.

If I acknowledge God I'm able to see that He has great plans for me. Even when those plans might not look right to me. Also I can talk to God and seek him out. Knowing that He will always be there for me no matter who else is.

God is a place of shelter. And when I need refuge I can run to Him with open arms and know that I won't be rejected like the world would have me be. Even when the people and circumstances change and I feel like I have no place to turn, God is there.

Isaiah 25:4 (NIV) You have been a refuge for the poor, a refuge for the needy in his distress, a shelter from the storm and a shade from the heat. For the breath of the ruthless is like a storm driving against a wall

There have been times in my life that I have been spiritually needy. Personally those times aren't something I enjoy and if ever possible I would like to never return to that place but I think that state is where God does some of His best work on peoples hearts.

Walking onto the college campus is like walking onto the front lines of spiritual warfare and if your not acknowledging God your going to be chewed up and spit out. Every day the enemy donnes their armor.

But what am I shielding myself with?

I've been keeping a prayer journal and trying to read a few pages of Bible each day but on days that I miss that time with God I can see a difference in my attitude. A void feeling takes over me and when my mouth opens I tend to be ugly to people. Doesn't matter who I'm speaking to everything coming out of my mouth sounds bad.

Ephesians 6:14-15 Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace.

When I have that morning fellowship with God. I'm standing firm in God's word and I know that I'm acknowledging God. Were as on mornings that I miss out on that time, I'm like a loose cannon and who knows who might get hit.

Acknowledging God comes in all areas of your life. An intimate relationship with God starts by simply trusting Him. And slowly as the relationship grows your willingness to trust Him with more areas of your life expands. Giving over parts of your life to God to do what He wills is rough at times but you can take comfort that it will always be for your good.

Proverbs 3:5-6 (NIV) Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him and He will make your paths straight.

Acknowledgement::..

It is yet to be six in the morning and I am up, dressed, make-up is on and there is a coffee cup full of liquid goodness sitting beside me. Some one should be proud of me. I'm not sure who, but some one. I have to leave by seven to get to work at seven forty-five and I wanted some prayer time and to blog a little. I've been praying over the last day that God would tell me what to put in this next blog because it is the start to my lesson that I'm having to teach at Bible Institute so, you poor people who are subjected to reading my blog get to be my guinea pigs for a lesson I'm having to prepare.

I have a tendency any ways to pray for guidance about what to blog about BUT the folks at Bible Institute aren't exactly my usual crowd that consists of kids and twenty year old girls. For the past week I have sat staring at this verse, just kind of hoping God would rain down a shower of enlightenment on me. Of course God in His infinite wisdom knew in eternity past where I would be at this point in my life and so strangely enough this verse is very applicable to me and my current situation. Isn't that entertaining how God does that? He gives me a verse that I am required to teach on that is incredibly blunt about the action I should take even when the road in front of me looks as whopper jawed as it's has been lately.

Proverbs 3:5-6 (NIV) Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways ACKNOWLEDGE him, and he will make your paths straight.

After looking at that verse I decided that the best thing to do would be to look up the definition of acknowledge. Just straight up what the Webster dictionary says, and I thought it was interesting:

Main Entry: ac·knowl·edge

1: to recognize the rights, authority, or status of
2: to disclose knowledge of or agreement with
3 a: to express gratitude or obligation for
b: to take notice of
c: to make known the receipt of
4: to recognize as genuine or valid

We are all guilty of looking over some attribute of God that is calling us to faithfully place our trust in him. But being human we are sure that our own pathetic human nature can take care of our issues just fine.

After coming to a conclusion of what Acknowledge means you can start asking yourself some questions.

· Do I recognize the rights, authority and statues of God?

· Am I honestly disclosing/telling God all there is to know about me and what is
goingon in my life? In other words am I having the right type of prayer life?

· Have I acknowledged God's son, God's ultimate gift to me?

· Am I paying attention to God?

· Do I except His love letter to me as His true unchanged word?

· Is God Himself valid to me, am I accrediting my relationship with Him as true and
important?

All of the questions in the bulletins above could be answered yes, if you are filled with the Holy Spirit which is a product of faith.

So it could be read.

Proverbs 3:5-6 (NIV) Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways have faith in Him, and he will make your paths straight.

Strange how your definition of a verse changes when one word is put into it’s place.

Right now I’m going through first and second Samuel with my class on Sunday. It took praying for a while before God guided me to teach about the life of David. David’s life stood out to me because most of the kids in my class come from troubled families. That might sound like a weird reason to pick to study David but David’s family is one of great dysfunction. David himself didn’t always trust God BUT when ever he clearly saw he walked away from God he came right back to Him; and was considered a man after God’s own heart at the end of his life.

David wrote some of my favorite Psalms. After trying to solve problems both with and without God he wrote this.

Psalm 37:5 (New Century Version) Depend on the Lord; trust him, and he will take care of you.

In my own life I have seen God be tried and true. David saw it in both his life and the lives of the great men that trusted God before him.

Psalm 22:4-5 (New Century Version) our ancestors trusted you; they trusted, and you saved them. They called to you for help and were rescued. They trusted you and were not disappointed.

No matter what you place in God’s hands you can take assurance that it will be resolved in a way that will both bring Him honor and glory and will be the best for you.
Now I can see that the passages in proverbs are words to live by. God can lead you down any path, no matter the obstacles and yet you still have the fruits of the spirit in your life because you trust Him with where your final destination will be.

Proverbs 3:5-6 (NIV) Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways have faith in Him, and he will make your paths straight.

Meet your enemy::...

At the end of days like today I breath a sigh of relief that tomorrow is coming and won't be like the day before. I'm blogging at a very unusual time for me. There is no coffee to be seen. Even though that might be a good idea. So Kels, I guess we can call this a break from my traditional blog openings.

Finally, I'm attempting to do what I have been looking forward to all day. Sitting here nicely touched under my fluffy comforter, next to my bible and notebook, my laptop on my knees and a heat pack on my stomach. The house is quite since all my family is in bed and I am left alone to my thoughts.

Today has been rough, mainly because of the stresses of life but there are a few more things weighing me down. God and I have been having sporadic little conversations throughout the day, which generally consists of me giving my problems and aggravations over to Him. Even with all the irritations of the day I still remember that God is in control.. Car problems mixed with pricey mechanic's bills have plagued me today. And I was greatly entertained today by God's ironic sense of humor.. I was calling my dear friend Kaiti to tell her about my frustrations, so we'll say I was calling to complain to Kaiti about all the things that were happening. But sadly like most Mondays we play phone tag all day, needless to say she didn't pick up. When I hang up though I turn on my music and what else do I hear but Mandisa's song "It's Only The Word" playing. Then after I picked back up my car from the mechanic I tried Kaiti again, this time she actually picked up which was a miracle in and of it's self. But after I hung up with Kait I turn back up the radio and the song, " Don't worry about a thing" was on. Is it just me or is God maybe trying to tell me something? I thought it was too funny in which the method God choose to comfort me.

Even with all the things that could distract me and have distracted me from God, I know that He is right there to help me through them if I will let Him. Another thing that I was thinking about today is that Spiritual warfare is not against flesh and blood. It's not what we are seeing. It's not the car problems, the relationship issues, school, fiances, etc. thoughs are the things that get us distracted so we can't take on what we were meant to. We are meant to bring glory to God and to delight ourselves in His presence. God doesn't change with circumstances, but I sure know that I do.

Here is something to think about.

Ephesians 6:12 (New International Version) For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms.

Peace Rains Down::..

Today like most mornings I'm on my second cup of coffee. I was just thinking about how much I need my coffee to wake me up physically this morning but I need my prayer time with God each morning to wake me up for the day Spiritually. So before I started typing this I had some quite-ish time with God. I could hear my brothers cartoons playing in the back round, but oh well..

I have been going to Arkansas camp for three years now and a councilor for two. Some of my absolute favorite times at Arkansas camp is getting up every morning before my body truly wants to and sneaking out of the cabin with out anyone knowing, walking down to the boxing arena at the edge of the lake and sitting on the highest point on the bleachers facing the lake and having quite time with God. It's amazing! Watching all the trees that God made sway in the gentle breeze and listening to the rolling of the water that He controls. Plus then having the added bonus of after that going to the councilors meeting with all the other crazies who dare to be called councilors. Praying with all of them for the kids God brought to camp with only a purpose known to Him and allowing us to love on the little souls for a week. Can anyone tell that camp has been on my mind a little bit?

I was talking to a dear friend on the phone the other night. And in the course of our strange and usually every lengthy conversations prayer was brought up. I think it was in relation to not praying enough. But then it evolved into not knowing what to say to God in prayer. which I know is a very normal response from most people. My kids that I teach at church had a lot of trouble at first when I asked them if they wanted to pray for the class at Church. They typical asked, "what should I say?" I would tell them to just talk to God. Maybe some are daunted by the fact that they are talking to the maker of the universe or others might think of Him as a God of Justice ready to rain down fire and brim stone on your head, but to everyone who believes Christ died on the cross for their sins He is simply Daddy. I guess I have been blessed, unlike others, with an earthly father that I have always been at ease talking to. Which might make it a little easier for me to talk to God in that sort of a manor. But while talking we also talked about lying to God in our prayers. I know I have been guilty of this MANY times. Where you really want to pray about or for something but you sort of beat around the bush and use prettier language then necessary because you don't want to offend God. After doing this for many years I finally came to the brilliant deduction that God, who knows everything probably knows what I am really thinking. It's such a profound concept!

Lately as problems have been arising in life I have had to remind myself of exactly how big God is. Even though I know that my "Big" problems of today will be the small potatoes of my tomorrow, it's still hard to see around the biggies. Thankfully I can take comfort that God is far larger then my problems no matter what they are, who they are or where they come from. For some weirdo reason this reminds me of a Veggie Tales song.

Hannah prayed what was truly on her heart and God granted it to her.

1 Samuel 1: 12-16 (NIV) As she kept on praying to the LORD, Eli observed her mouth. Hannah was praying in her heart, and her lips were moving but her voice was not heard. Eli thought she was drunk and said to her, "How long will you keep on getting drunk? Get rid of your wine."
"Not so, my lord," Hannah replied, "I am a woman who is deeply troubled. I have not been drinking wine or beer; I was pouring out my soul to the LORD. Do not take your servant for a wicked woman; I have been praying here out of my great anguish and grief."

I really like this verse.

2 Corinthians 1:3-5 (NIV) Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God. For just as the sufferings of Christ flow over into our lives, so also through Christ our comfort overflows.

And I'll finish with this.

Psalm 136:2 (NIV) Give thanks to the God of gods. His love endures forever

At the top of this blog is a picture of Laminin. It is a protien the holds the human body together. What does it look like to you? THAT would be how big my God is!

Unknown is tomorrow...

I just finished off my second cup of coffee. It was very much welcome this morning. Last night I was talking to a good friend until about two in the morning and then finished making Biology flash cards, thus not getting into bed until around three. For some silly reason my brain just turned on at eight this morning and refuses to shut off. Thus the coffee! I've had some good prayer time this morning though with the house quite because of my family being gone to Mexico. I'm ready for them to be home, it's too quite without them. So far I don't feel like I have accomplished as much as I have wanted to in their absence. But that is neither here nor there..

Isn't it funny? For about a nano second you have the feeling that you know exactly where your headed. Then things get shaken up and making you realize that you have absolutely no idea what will happen tomorrow. The one good thing I can see about this uncertainty is that it shows me exactly how dependant I am on God. In one instant I think I have everything handled and am going down the path God would have me go and the next I feel like an invalid that needs God's help to even do the simplest thing. That's a blow to the pride! Realizing that your too weak to do or say anything that could bring about good.

As of lately I have been putting a lot of thought into this. I only see the tiniest of glimpse into the future. Where would God really have me? Where should I go and what should I do next? What's the next move? I'm aware that you can just pull the Jesus card to answer these questions and say, "Well, just trust God." but does that fully answer these questions? Without God's guidance I have no idea which doors are truly open for me by God and which are opened just to tempt me into walking away from the path God laied out for me in eternity past. Maybe the Jesus card is the answer to my question. But it's so hard to just let go and allow God handle it, especially when we're dealing with something as crucial as my future. I have been willing to give God lots of my problems over the years but am I ready to trust Him with my future?

Over the past year I have slowing been making my way through Elisabeth Elliot's book "Keep a Quite Heart". Today as I have been pondering all that is going on in life and will happen I read a quote that seemed so incredibly fitting.

'From an out-of-print book, The Life and Letters of Janet Erskine Stuart. Says one who was her assistant for some years, "She delighted in seeing her plan upset by unexpected events, saying that it gave her great comfort, and that she looked on such things as an assurance that God was watching over her stewardship, was securing the accomplishment of His will, and working out His own designs. Whether she traced the secondary causes to the prayer of a child, to the imperfection of an individual, to obstacles arising from misunderstandings, or to interference of outside agencies, she was joyfully and graciously ready to recognize the indication of God's ruling hand, and to allow herself to be guided by it.

No matter the chaos of life and the pain I might feel along the way I can still take comfort and shelter in God and His grace He showers on me everyday.

Jeremiah 29:11(NIV) For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

Battle Lines..

So far this morning I have gotten little accomplished.. I spent some time with God. Talked to Kaiti. Re-read past journal entries.. Which I will say with no shame, I love doing! It reminds me of how far God has brought me and what He lead me through. Plus of how stupid I once was, but doesn't everyone feel like that?

Today is far better then yesterday so far... If your someone who knows me you will know of my disdain for my Psychology class. The world's twisted thinking is pushed on college students like McDonald's on small children. You know?... The White American Male has pushed everyone down, evolution, Feminist psychology yadyadyad. It frustrates me to no end having to sit in that class.. Most of my peers think the class teaches the truth.. But it teaches Satan's lie! Yesterday the question was posed, "Are Humans Innately Good or Evil?" Out of probably fifteen people that answered about thirteen said that people are born blank slates, not good and not evil because that is taught to you as you grow-up. So I asked who picks what is good and evil? And the unanimous response was that it's whatever society says is right.. Of course a few brought up that some Christians think it was God or Adam and Eve...

Society? Huh... Have we not yet seen what society does? Yesterday in class we also watched a video. During which the person on the video said that in the 1940's America demolished Fascism in Germany.. Hello?!?! Have you not read lately about the America government taking over some of the biggest banks and lending companies in America? People, Fascism is alive and well in the heart of Washington D.C. our nation's capital. It was bad though because I was openly giggling at that statement right when they were showing pictures of concentration camps. Our nation is going to get worse before it gets any better. This is honestly one of the most exciting times to be a Christian in America.. The tougher times get the greater the pull of people to or away from God! I know just being in college I'm feeling the heat of peoples hatred towards God. They aim it at me but I have to remind myself that it's not me that they hold hostility towards it's my Father, my Protector and my Commanding Officer that they are against, not me.

God is still in control and when this is all over, it is going to come out exactly as He had in mind... God is not taken by surprise.. He didn't say, "Oh dear, I didn't realize that things would look so bleak for America in a short two hundred years of their country as a nation." He said, " I love you, I'll provide for you, trust me."

God has given us the means to over come twisted thinking in our soul, the Holy Spirit! We must have spiritual thinking, not the twisted thinking of the world in order to enjoy our relationship with God and with one another...

We must have spiritual thinking, the fruit of the spirit in order to allow God to use us in His plan to bring honor and Glory to Him.

This is such a concept.. Really honestly I forget this from time to time.. Your not here to serve your own interest but God. You have a mission in life... You are to enjoy Spiritual freedom and Glorify God and enjoy His presence.. By Walking by in Faith In The Holy Spirit!

Romans 5:1-5 (NIV) Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand. And we rejoice in the hope of the glory of God. Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us.

Walking by faith in the spirit will never disappoint or disillusioned you like the world will.

And if you are walking by Faith in the Spirit you can have absolute confidence that God is working in your life. I sure know He is working in mine.. No really.. Most of the stuff on here I stole from John because he taught it Wednesday night at bible study.. And then yesterday I found out that Friday Night Fellowship is on a live feed online but they also have some archived so I watched the latest one last night and Buck was talking all about spiritual warfare.. And now I'm a tad nervous what is coming my way.. :)

Intimacy::...

My normal Monday morning routine has been disheveled by

sinus problems. I need more coffee! I have been entertaining

myself this morning with talking to one of my friends who is out of state at college.

Lately I’ve been amazed at how much better this semester is going then the last school year. I’m at a place of contentment and peace. I have no idea when I left my place of contentment last school year. But I do know I was fairly miserable by the end of it all, and I think I know why. I was using God as my personal vending machine, asking only for what I needed. There was no intimacy in my relationship with God. With all of your close friends there is always some level of intimacy. Things that only the two know and feel about the other, and my intimacy was so vague with God it was disheartening. I laugh whole heartedly at other young people when they think they need to be in a romantic relationship with someone to feel fulfilled and content. But in honesty if you’re not content with it being just you and God and you have intimacy with God no human relationship is every going to bring you the fulfillment you seek. I struggled with the “I want a boyfriend” syndrome for years, heck I still do at times. Feeling like I wouldn’t be either complete or an official “grown-up” until I introduce some guy as my boyfriend. In the past few years I can think back to a few really truly bad moods that I’ve been in. One such occasion was at an acquaintance wedding. I was still seventeen and she was a couple years older, but it was boldly in my face of what I THOUGHT I was missing.. For some sad reason I thought that I was missing out on some happiness that I deserved by not having a boyfriend and in the not so far future a wedding.

One of my dearest friends, the poor guy, was the guy closest to me so thus I decided he MUST be the one for me. After all why would God place a guy as such a good friend if he wasn’t for me! I love him dearly but as our new romantic relationship went on we both realized that it wouldn’t work. We are incredibly different when it comes to our spiritual beliefs. God protected both of us in our short lived relationship. Neither of us left the relationship feeling like we had done anything we shouldn’t have. We held hands, hugged and gave one or two kisses on the cheek but we never kissed on the lips. Which I’ve very happy about. I’m not sure how to explain this but I will try. Once you experience any form of romantic intimacy you long for more and I can guarantee you that memories do haunt you. Thus I’m extraordinarily pleased that God protected us in that area. We are still good friends, not as close as we once were but there is more honesty between us. I pray that God will provide him with a wife that will bring him delight but also one that will help build him up in the Lord.

It has taken me a good while to truly realize that happiness and contentment is NOT fulfilled in your life by romantic relationships but wholly by God who is the lover of my soul. No man can fulfill me like God can. He can try but will fall short every single time.
Being nineteen and waiting for your right man is hard sometimes. You are surrounded not only by the secular world but also the Christian community. Which one would think that waiting for your right man would be celebrated in all Christian circles, but that’s just not the case. Most look at me being nineteen and question me about why I have yet to pair myself up with a suitable husband? When I tell them of my reasoning they just tell me about how happy their daughter is now that she is married. I’m not saying this is the case with all Christian circles, I have found a few that celebrate waiting for the person God has for you but a lot don’t.

The secular community bombards everyone my age with the thought that they need to be sexually active. If your not experienced then no one will look at you and if you’re a virgin your fresh meat. I can’t believe how at school it is nothing for people to talk about the previous nights sexual endeavors like it was innocent as going goofy golfing. On the top 40 radio station in town there are two count them TWO popular songs right now that glorify oral sex. And all the rest talk about how there gonna hit the dance floor and then take it to the bed room. And my tweens at church listen to that garbage. It’s what society has declared right! But it is so far beyond wrong. On the country station you’ll hear songs about heart break. On the Indi station you’ll hear songs about romance and sex. On the Classic rock station it’s all about their last sexual conquest. And on the soft rock station it’s all about how their lover is going to come back some day. Pg-13 movies are now the new R, for sexual content and language. There are television commercials for personal vibrators. And it is nothing for all the characters in a television show aimed at teens to be sexually active. Is it any coincidence that young people are so confused about how they should live their life? I think not!

Sex is something that should be strictly in a marriage relationship. And young people should not be subdued into thinking that marriage is the next life move after high school. What if God has different plans for you? If young people want to have sex, drink, do drugs, get married, or be deeply involved in meaningless relationships far be it from me to tell them they are wrong but I challenge them to question themselves if it is God planned or their own selfish endeavor. You can’t be doing your own thing your own way AND be glorifying God and fulfilling the plan He has for you at the same time.

Why is it only a few who will walk a different path then the many? I put a picture of sky diving as the picture today. Most people think that it would be amazing to sky dive but never do because their afraid. Would you want that same fear to rule your life? Trust God to place you where He wants you and watch as your adventure unfolds.

I still like what Paul wrote!

1 Corinthians 7:7-9 (New International Version)I wish that all men were as I am. But each man has his own gift from God; one has this gift, another has that.Now to the unmarried and the widows I say: It is good for them to stay unmarried, as I am. But if they cannot control themselves, they should marry, for it is better to marry than to burn with passion.

And

Philippians 4:11 (NIV)I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances.

Kendra, this is not the post I wanted you to read.. It's the last one!

God is my anti - panic attack!

"If we cannot believe God when circumstances seem be against us, we do not believe Him at all." - Charles Spurgeon

Wow, it's almost been a month since I last blogged! School started the 27th of August and thus my schedule became crazy. But that's no excuse. I'm drinking my second cup of coffee this morning just trying to trust God.

Today I have my first Biology 201 exam! I'm a tad nervous, but if you ask anyone that knows me well I get into a nervous mind set before ANY exam. Yesterday I spent 7 and a half hours in the library studying for the exam today. Crazy, I know. It's kinda weird how I go from being alright about the test to then almost having a panic attack, then I pray and give the test to God and then I'm fine again... For a while. This cycle has been reoccurring for the past two days! Personally I find it funny how my pastor was just talking about this sort of thing last Sunday. Sadly I was up stairs teaching, of all things David. But I got the five minute version from my Mom just this morning. King David, a man after God's own heart didn't ALWAYS trust God. Heck, at one time he wanted to kill Nabal who was Abigail's husband because he disrespected David. So David told his men to take up their swords (meaning prepair to kill people) but God allowed Abigail to catch wind of all that happened so she could go and try to supeas David before anything bad happened. And David saw the error of his ways and turn back to trusting God. I kinda feel that way about school.

It's would be so easy to slip back into last school years mind set again. The one where I lost intimacy with God and used Him as my personal vending machine.. Yeah, very easy.. I'm so much happier when God and I have real true blue fellowship and intimacy where as when I call on Him only when I need something! The quote that I put at the top of this blog is a hard on to stomach. Because when everything against you it's so much easier to go into panic mode instead of just letting go of your problems and letting God have a go at working it out.

Matthew 11:28 (NIV) "Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give

you rest."

Galations 5:22-23 (NIV) But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, PEACE, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law.

When the world hands you lemons... PRAY!

Just The Two Of Us

If she has been given the gift of living as a single person, she must be willing to do so, prepare to do so, and look for the work in Lord’s vineyard that doubtless He has for her. She must not dread the future, looking at it apprehensively, but must recognize that the Lord never calls His children without providing them the help that they need to accomplish His will and the ability to be happy in doing it. - Jay E. Adams

Sadly, I'm only on my second cup of coffee for the morning. I have a fairly busy day today filled with cleaning carpets, babysitting and having my best friend over for one last time before the school year starts and we never see each other again. Heck, the sad thing is that we both go to in town colleges!

For sometime now I have been pondering a subject. So, I thought I would share it. My parents and I have been praying since I was little for my future husband. But, what happens if I'm not supposed to get married? Do all those prayers go out the window? Or does God in His infinite wisdom use those prayers for something else? I have had quite a few people this summer tell me not to worry about when I'll get a husband since I'm only nineteen. However, personally I would just like to know that there is one coming down the pike. That might sound selfish or just flat weird to some, but I just wish I knew because then I might understand is some small capacity what shifts my life is going to take. After all, life is a roller coaster ride and I get sick when I can't see whats coming next.. Most likely I'm just being dumb and spending my time thinking about something that will never happen.. But I can't help but wonder.

During the summer I was surrounded by girls around my age or a tad older that seemed to all be married, engaged or thought they were dating their right man. Keep in mind that I really enjoyed all their company BUT, I just about got sick at how many times I was told, "I hope God brings you a man so you can be as happy as I am!" Allow me to say to all those who found their right man, "Please Stop!" Have they ever given a thought that we singles are right where God wants us? We live in a society, especially the christian circles, that put a tremendous amount of pressure on girls my age to get matched up so that after you finish your studies you can get married! Why do other young women feel the need to indoctrinate us full of the bliss of having a significant other? It just makes many single girls cave because they want to be "happy" too. After a young woman caves, she is no longer placing her faith in God for a husband and to fill that void . Then searches rampidly because she is on the great man hunt. Trust me. I've been there, done that. You find that when your trying to find a man to fill that space God meant for your husband, that quite honestly God DOES fill completely on His own if you let Him; you make yourself miserable and distant from God. The more you search the farther you go because you KEEP placing your faith in finding someone instead of relying on God to work on that area of your life. One of Satan's greatest lies is that you need a significant other to be happy instead of God. So there is my tirade for the day. I'm sure that this subject is bound to come back around at some point.

I like Paul he wrote this.

1 Corinthians 7:7-9 (New International Version)I wish that all men were as I am. But each man has his own gift from God; one has this gift, another has that.
Now to the unmarried and the widows I say: It is good for them to stay unmarried, as I am. But if they cannot control themselves, they should marry, for it is better to marry than to burn with passion.

2 Corinthians 5:7 (New International Version) We live by faith, not by sight.

I'm enjoying blogging in the mornings. It's like writing my own Spirit lead devotional. And no Mother I will not sign and notarise this!

For Love of Family or Foe?

"I am no longer anxious about anything", he wrote, "as I realize that He is able to carry out His will, and His will is mine. It makes no matter were He places me or how. That is for Him to consider rather than me; for in the easiest positions He will give me His grace, and in the most difficult His grace is sufficient." - Hudson Taylor

Now that I'm working on my third cup of coffee for the morning I figured I would start blogging. For the past few days I've had writers block. Not being that I don't know what to write about, more like I have too many subjects to pick from. My mind can't get them all out at once so it doesn't allow a single thought out.

School starts in a little less then a week. And I still have mixed feelings about going back. But in honesty if I keep in mind that college is not a place of rest but the for front of spiritual warfare, I think I will be fine. God will see me through yet another year. I'm quite sure of that.

For some strange reason unknown to me God must have a plan for me at college. I'm slowly learning that what is important is being led by the Holy Spirit and NOT caring about where He sends me. The main thing is just being willing to go and trusting Him with each step I take. Thus, I need to be placing me faith in the Holy Spirit. I really wish I could say that walk in the Spirit 24/7. My life would be much more interesting and blissful. But I don't, which is not only a detriment to me but to those around me as well.

When I'm not walking in the Spirit the first ones to feel the anguish is my family who I'm very close with. Whoever said that ministry starts at home should be shot. Cause personally my family is probably the hardest people for me to show love and grace to. I'm not at all saying that my family is unlovable or such a pain in the butt that you can't show them grace. That's not the case at all. My family has seen me both at my best and my worst. There always there for me, always. I guess it must have to do with my family being my safety net. I can be as big of snot as any and they'll still love me. That doesn't give me right to be obnoxious though. When I have a bad day my Mom usually gets the brunt of it. And then Kait gets to hear me fume on the phone. But Mom gets the shortest end of the stick in that deal. My great melt downs are all on poor Moms watch. Poor woman gave birth to me and NOW has to deal with a temperamental college student... Doesn't that make one want children? My family truely are my biggest encouragement. Spiritually as well as emotionally. I really don't think there is a subject of conversation we haven't broached.

My desire is that this semester I have a greater intimacy with God then I did last school year. The only way to be at peace is to enter into God's rest. Which happens through faith. I really don't want to be so busy that I can not focus on my relationship with my heavenly Father. Because when my relationship is right with Him, my relationship with others is right too. I just need to keep in mind that everything else is temporal compared to my relationship and intimacy with God.

These verses seem to fit what I was just talking about.

Colossians 2:6-7 (New International Version) So then, just as you received Christ Jesus as Lord, continue to live in him, rooted and built up in him, strengthened in the faith as you were taught, and overflowing with thankfulness.

And

Colossians 3:12-14 (New International Version) Therefore, as God's chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity.

Covered By God's Grace..

Have you ever had one of those days? The type where you wake up with full intention of completely devoting your day to God. Your prayer in the morning when you first wake up and talk to God is, "God allow my day to be for Your honor and glory, use me in whatever way You want". And your plan is to spend a few minutes of actual quality time in prayer and some intake of the word. But you never seem to get there until the end of the day.

I just had one of those kinds of days. The crazy thing is that I could almost feel God all day reaching out to me. And for some weird reason I kept saying," Hang on just a second God, I really need to get this or that done". Why does anything else matter? After a day like today I can see God's grace like a frisbee about to smack me in the forehead. The great thing is that God will provide another day for me to trust Him completely in the morning.

Alright, I know that was short. But my family is going to the water park tomorrow and I need sleep!

I'm singing the back to school blues.

Well, I finished the lesson for Sunday. But it's around eleven-ish and I don't think my brain can fully comprehend Bible Institute stuff right now, so that shall wait until tomorrow. I'm not back in school yet but a lot of schools in town recently started.

Sunday during church, my pastor was talking about spiritual warfare. It's all around each and every believer. Can you imagine that right this second a demon is fighting (of course if your a believer, a losing battle) to take over your soul? Satan is trying every way possible to destroy your relationship with God. Friends, family, class mates, co - workers you name it and Satan will try to use it! It frightens me to think that I'm stuck out on the front lines of this battle field that I can't see. But, I can totally feel the effects the war has on me. I'm faced daily with a war surrounding me, yet some people say the christian life isn't exciting! Unlike many people, I would rather be a princess warrior fighting for my Heavenly Father then sitting on the sidelines waiting for someone to take charge. The funny part is that the more I trust in my God the more furiously attacked I get. The only way to defend my self is to allow my protector to handle my attacker. What a strange concept! Isn't that so true though? I know I can't handle anything on my own, but God can deal with anything I'm willing to trust Him with. Even school children who are believers are in the heat of the battle field. Just because their young doesn't mean they don't get attacked any less then the adults!

When people ask me if I'm ready to be back in school my response is usually, "I'm looking forward to having another year accomplished". The thought of starting back excites me about as much as the thought of getting my tongue pierced, and let me tell you that's not much. Just recently I thought about my attitude the following few weeks after school let out for the summer. The conclusion wasn't pretty. Because of being overwhelmed by school I lacked the time for an intimate relationship with my Lord. At school it seemed to me that I was surrounded and being attaked from every direction. The weeks after school finished I was actually a little gun shy about talking with other about God because I had been so beat down for having the beliefs that I still hold strong to. Even with other believers that I knew shared the same vauls as me, I was still distant when talking about God. It wasn't until the beginning of Tulsa camp that I actually felt open to freely talk about God and not have anyone beat me down for it. Then it dawned on me, school is a marked battle ground. The biology buildings should have a hazard sign on it that says 'Beware, prepair for Darwinism ahead'. At least give the poor college students some road signs!

This school year my biggest desire is to keep an intimate relationship with my Maker number one in my life.. Even if that means getting a 'B' on an exam instead of an 'A' because I was spending the morning with my heavenly Father thus having less time to study.. But I really will need to pray about that because for a perfectionist like me a 'B' is like a kick in the gut. But this school year God will take priority! The only reason I'm at college is to get my nursing degree so that I can go into ministry with the main goal to glorify God. So, why exactly should my goal in college not be to glorify God? Wow, I've used the name God a lot in this post. I was just looking at that. College is a great place to suck out your soul if your not trusting God and walking by faith.

Hebrews 11:1 (NIV) Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see.

And

Philippians 4:19-20 (NIV) And my God will meet all your needs according to his glorious riches in Christ Jesus. To our God and Father be glory for ever and ever. Amen.

My Great Sustainer.

So.. Today being Sunday, I did what I do every Sunday. My Mom woke me up. I then woke up just enough to start praying and then fell back asleep. Once my Mom woke me up yet again, I was fairly shocked because I found that now I had half an hour to be ready for church. Church was awesome today. First service made me think, the warnings that are through out Hebrews makes one do that sort of thing. The kids in my class during second service were attentive and asking question that rivaled some I've heard from adults. My Dad and I went and had lunch at the park then we went back to the church to wait for Bible Institute to start. I took an all too short of a nap on the couch in my Sunday school class room. Then we had BI for a little over two hours. Sundays are always one of my busiest days out of the whole week. I have Sundays like today that make me excited for the next one. And other Sundays that make me dread all week my busiest day to come. One thing I was thinking about today was that God does two things in my life at times. He either delivers me through a situation or He delivers me from the situation. But He can't do either if I'm not willing to trust Him. Some times I face something that I ask God to deliver me from and since I am human I just want God to take the situation from me completely. However since God is God and has a plan and purpose for everything sometimes instead of taking away my problem He takes me by the hand and leads me through it each step of the way.. Sometimes God has a bigger plan for our hardship that we face. We have to be willing to trust God through what ever we face. Because the only obedience God is looking for from us is our Faith. Simply trusting in His perfect plan for us, that He laid out in eternity past for each and every believer. I found 2 Cor 1:3-5 really neat.

2 Cor 1:3-5 (NIV) Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God. For just as the sufferings of Christ flow over into our lives, so also through Christ our comfort overflows.

I know that though out my time as a believer I have been comforted by God on numerous occasions. The only way I can feel that comfort is by trusting in the Holy Spirit to comfort me. The only time that a believer can show God's comfort to others is when they are filled with the Holy Spirit. Meaning they are trusting in the Spirit to direct their lives. At the beginning of your day you don't set out to comfort someone, you don't think to yourself "Gee, today I need to comfort at least one person". It's something the Spirit will lead you to do and sometimes you don't ever realize your doing it, in some cases you never find out. But God knows exactly what each and every one of His children need to grow their relationship and intimacy with Him. I have had times were I'm the one being comforted and other times where I find out that I am person God is using to comfort someone.

As I venture on my adventure of life, I am amazed that God can and will use everyone and everything to His honor and glory. The question I have to pose to myself is, "How will I be used?" Will I allow myself to trust the God who sustains all things and be used in a positive way. Or, will I reject God's grace and travel down my own road only to end up as a picture of how not to live this short life.

2 Cor 12:9 (NIV) But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me.

I think that is the perfect verse to leave off with. My God's grace is enough.

You know.. I honestly think this blog is more for me then anyone else.

God Has A Hand In Everything..

"Jesus Christ does not want to be our helper, He wants to be our life. He does not want us to work for Him. He wants us to let Him do His work through us, using us as we use a pencil to write with." - Charles Trumbull

Last night after watching 'Becoming Jane' for the second time, I wished I was Jane Austin. Her writing and word usage is phenomenal. She lived by her pen all her adult years. The stories she wrote not only make every young woman pine to be like the story's heroin but also long for adventure. After pondering the thought of transforming myself into Jane Austin, I decided something. Unlike her I would much rather write through my living, not live through my writing. Plus, God is so much better of a writer then I could ever imagine to be any ways. So why don't I just let Him write an adventure for me?

The other day I began preparing for the college girls bible study that I'm hoping to start soon. My plan is to go through and study the great women of faith in the Bible, starting with Esther. I have read through the book of Esther so many times that it has gotten to be a challenge to see new things as I read and study. So before I began I prayed, asking God to show me something new! I only read through the beginning excerpt in my study bible and the first chapter, but I thought what I found was amazing. The author of the excerpt happened to mention that the omission of the words God and worship is purposeful by the author of Esther. With the omission of God and Worship it actually makes the presence of God MORE apparent. When you look at the story every time you see something unimaginably miraculous happen it's always God. As I looked at the first chapter I could see how God PERFECTLY laid the ground work for Esther. Before King Xerxes ever lied eyes on Esther, God was preparing a path for her to become queen! She was in a position where she could help her people at the exact time they were in dire need. Now, I'm not one to think that my God gets taken by surprise. God planned all of it to happen for the purpose of glorifying Him! How awesome is that? After the Bible was written God didn't stop laying out His plan in His children's lives. If your willing to trust Him with the pen to your life God will write a story for you that will be greater then anything you could have dreamt of.

I have the best time rereading past journal entries. My story is unique to me like everyone Else's is to them. God knows me, because He made me. He wants to fulfill the longings of my heart. God made me so that I crave adventure and the thrill of the unknown. Everyday that I decided to trust my Father is stepping out into the unknown. I learned a few years ago to never underestimate God. When I place my faith in God to direct my path and my mouth (that's a big one!) He allows me experiences that I could have never imagined.

When I was fifteen a missionary couple came to my church and gave a missions report while they were visiting. The entire time that wife spoke of the ministry God has allowed her to have in India I had cold chills. At lunch that afternoon I started crying my eyes out. When my Mom asked me what was wrong, I told her that after listening that morning I felt like God was calling me on to the mission field. Most would think that, going into foreign ministry is not something to cry over but I didn't know what to do or how to get there. The question running through my mine was, who in their right mine would take a fifteen year old with them to a foreign country? Strangely enough God had planted the seed in my mind in the beginning of 2005 and that summer Pat a pastors wife and missionary from Oklahoma came to where I live and did a mission boot camp. Pat told everyone at the first mission boot camp that anyone that she thought did well during the camp was more then welcome to go with her on a mission trip to Zambia Africa in the spring of 2006. So, at the age of sixteen I went and taught in Zambia. It was one of the most amazing experiences of my life. Over the past two summers I have worked camps in four different states, which is great training for ministry in the future. God has also allowed me the opportunity to be the tween teacher at my church. Right now as I write this, I'm going through the same bible institute course that the mission organization I'm planning on being sent through sends to the pastors institutes in Africa for training pastors to teach. Hopefully we will be finished with the program this January because in February one of the students is leaving for Africa! I'm going into my second year of college to become a nurse and I have full hope to then spend the rest of my life in ministry. I really would like to go live abroad nursing physical wound and sickness then teaching the people about my God who heals their spirit. Most people think I'm crazy, others think I'm gifted but I'm just the way God intended me to be. And that is set apart for Him.

So far that is my story, Every day God shows me more of the story that he wrote for me. I wish I could read the whole book right now. Actually, I wish even more that I could just read the ending then I would know all that I will encounter in my life. But then that would ruin the ending. God is my author and I can do nothing without Him. My life is void if He doesn't hold the pen to my life. So far He has written a story for me that I thank Him for everyday. Esther too had a God written story, hers just happens to be in the Bible. Both her and I can do nothing apart from our God who can do everything.

John 15:5 (NIV) "I am the vine; you are the branches. If a man remains in me and I in him, he will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing."

My Summer Revelation From Beginning To End..

First I would like to inform those reading that I am a little addicted to blogging, now that I have stared. I was thinking all day about what I could write in another blog. Pondering, praying and talking with a friend of mine. I met my friend for coffee today and we talked of many things. School, work, summer adventures, and then like all conversations of single college age girls we landed on the subject of relationships.. We've both been through some interesting boy dilemmas, just to end up a day late and a dollar short. We both agreed on the thought that maybe we just look for relationships because we're afraid we might end up alone.

It seems to us like many of our peers are in long term, serious relationships that are headed straight towards marriage. We must pose the question to our selves though, "How many of our peers will still be happily married in five or more years?"

I was watching Pride and Prejudice for about the tenth time today. Then it hit me why almost ALL girls love that movie and the book even more. Elizabeth is told by her mother over and over again that she is plain and is predestined to be an old maid. If you don't lie to your self, every single girl has that same fear. I honestly think that could be single handedly my biggest fear, but worst yet I fear to live a life void of a God written adventure! At the end of the movie 'plain' Elizabeth is swept into the arms of her Mr. Darcy, and it is implyed that she lives for a grand adventure in life and gets to be the heroin to boot! That would be why all females LOVE that movie.. And there's not a doubt in my mine..

This summer has been a great learning experience for me. I really love looking back on things that happen and being amazed at how God has His hand in the everything in each step of the journey.

In the beginning of summer I was in a funk. The bad thing is I know exactly why I was in a funk too. I was using God as my personal vending machine, I would quickly input my prayers which was usually a list of "God please do this". My time in the word was very slim mostly to study for teaching on Sunday or Bible Institute. The misery I felt was self inflicted, which then had dirt rubbed on the wound by the world (mostly school, and the people there). I was out of school nine days before I left for Tulsa. Those nine days were spent rushing around preparing to be gone for what I thought would ONLY be three weeks, so there was no real time for my relationship with God in that mess. Once I got to Tulsa I was surrounded by my second church family, let's call them my church family away from church family! I love them all so much! Everyone was preparing for a friends wedding that was that weekend. It was all great fun, but I still had dirt in my very open wound that needed to be removed of and there was only one man for the job, GOD. And my poor Mother who should be put up for Sainthood had to listen every night on the phone to me getting the dirt cleaned out. There is one family that I absolutely think is amazing and I happen to spend lots of time with them while I'm there and they have a son who I've done mission trips with. We all know where this one is going... I have tried for two years to have a friendship with this guy, and NOTHING has come about. I finally figured out that I know and love his family but I'm only an acquaintance of his. I know so much about him only because of what others tell me about him..

So, the problem is that the world tells nineteen year old girls that if there not in a relationship that they are either a social reject or heinously deformed. Thus, we have Ashley who is in a funk, seeing boy with great man potential and an amazing family then on the back burner society is telling her that she needs a man. Needless to say, Ashley was a tad frustrated!

God was working on me and I was dragging my feet, as always. After that week I was thrown into two weeks as a camp councilor, being so busy that I would have forgot my own name if it weren't for the name tag hanging around my neck. I had two weeks at home-ish and then was called to be a councilor at Florida right after I had committed to going as an adult camper to Arizona camp, literally MINUTES apart. Before Florida camp I was to a point that the thought of it being just me and God for a good while (we're talking' years) was alright but still left a touch of a bitter taste in my mouth.

At camp I was introduced to three other amazing young women who were also councilors. One had been happily married for almost the last year, one had just been shown the man of her dreams by God and was engaged, and one thought she was courting her right man. Then there was me and my man God. I was a bit of the odd man out, but as I thought about it I was alright with that. I was AMAZED at exactly how alright I was with it. I realized that if I was at the point in my life where all those other young ladies are, I wouldn't be where I'm supposed to be! I know that I am of so much more value to the ministry God has me called to right now being single then I ever would being in a love daze. Of course if it is in God's plan for me to be married I would be over joyed but coming home from Florida I felt called to a God given singleness.

Single does not mean plain, deformed or of ALL things alone! It means free... You are free to leave at the drop of a hat to run away on a God lead adventure! I know that the type of life I want to live is not most peoples cup of tea, but it's very exciting to me and something God has given me the desire to do. Most guys give me one of two responses when I inform them of my desires. Number one would be, "That's great, I so glad that God has given YOU a burden to go and do that. Let me know when YOU leave so that I can be praying for YOU." Notice there is NOTHING about them having the same desires. :) The second one would be the very honest answer, " What the he** are you thinking? There is no central air, no toilets, no hot water.. ect.ect. You could be killed!" My usual answer is that, I could be killed walking across the street, esspecially in the town with the drivers that I do.

So, that leads us to Arizona camp.. At that camp I thought I was going to only be an adult camper. As I'm saying my hello's the camp director comes over and asks me if I would be willing to fill in for a councilor in the 10-12 year old cabin. It was great fun, I love that age group! The first afternoon of activities I signed up for a nature survival hike thinking one of the older men was going to lead it.. NO, of course not it was a good looking, young, former marine, who wants to be a missionary to where of all places but Africa!

So, I have come to the conclusion that I need to keep my relationship with my heavenly father number one in my life to stay out of a funk. Being single for at least a few more years might actually be alright with me. And God does actually make the type of guys that fit my desires even if the ones I talked about are meant for some other young ladies, I at least know the mold wasn't broken after my father's generation.

I'm very excited I just got a new Eric Ludy book called 'When God Writes Your Life Story'. It's all about living a life filled by a God written adventure!

Plus, life is good. I got music on my blog!

Is it all going to be too much?

God's dreamers are always unpractical, but in the end... their dreams always come true. - Amy Carmichael

Hu. I kind of feel like this right now. College starts back at the end of the month which means so does a crazy schedule. Twelve credit hours plus double time in bible institute so we can get through by January and say good bye to a fellow BI student in February. After talking the other night to a younger friend of mine who is starting college this Fall, I really feel like God is calling me to start a college girls bible study. One of my friends I met in school last year, thought the Christian club I was in kicked around the idea of starting a bible study. But, now I really feel like it needs to be established.

The tweens at church are awesome. I really have loved teaching that class and plan to keep it going. It has it's moments of struggle but there are also small victories along the way. It's always hard to get a volunteer to pray. It was awesome the first time I heard one of the girls in the class pray. Her prayers are starting to get longer in lenght and more indepth, it's amazing to watch as her little relationship with God the Father turns into a larger more complex relationship one where she knows beyond a doubt that He hears her and will respond with His great love for her! One of my best friends little brothers just moved up to the tween class from the kids Sunday school. I was shocked when on his first or second day in the class he volunteered to pray. And pray he did, he just poured his little heart out to the Father. It was so neat!It's great fun and a grand privilege to be allowed so many opportunities to sit back and watch God work.

So twelve hours (full time) at school,tween class, bible institute and the college bible study. I feel like I have a full plate and only two of those things are actually in full swing.

I know that God will provide a way for me to get to the other side of what seems like a mountain before me. Hehe, darn Phil 4:13 (KJV)I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me. Oh, no.. What about Phil 4:6-7 (NASB)Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God.
And the peace of God, which surpasses all comprehension, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

So,I guess everything might be alright after all. :) I can't wait to see what these next few months have to offer! Far be it from me to say that I have ANY clue to what God has planned. I'm just here for the ride and can only live my life by having faith in God's plan and in the Holy Spirit to guide me to where He wants me.

We have a God who delights in impossibilities and who asks, "Is anything too hard for Me?" - Andrew Murray

A New Day....

Today is another new day. A day that I can either choose for or against my relationship with my Heavenly Father. Which am I going to choose?

I found a lot this summer that with working at camps I would have this same conversation with myself. It was funny, sometimes I would be so busy in the mornings that no one would even realize that I was praying while getting all my girls ready. :)

Prayer was about the only thing that kept me alive this summer. If I was stressed, I would pray. If I was having difficulties with a child I would pray. For sickness, pray. All sorts of things to pray for and even more to thank God for!

Why don't I thank God more? He provides everything AND more then I need, He even throws in excitement and puffy clouds because he knows that I like those both so well. Every now and then God and I have a fun conversation about all the puffy clouds he placed in the sky for me that day! Yes, there is billions of people on the planet and He put them there for me. :) But, when my soul is in panic mode which in honesty has been the case a lot of the school year I don't look at the puffy clouds. I tell myself, "I don't have the time." But I have found myself many many times during the school year saying, "I don't have time for God today." I didn't mean to, I just would have school projects that I was feeling the heat of. The strange thing was that on days that I started by giving it to God to let Him deal with I would get ten times more stuff done on my to-do list.

It's strange for me to thing that God, The Creator of the universe! Loves me more then I love myself. Cause let me tell ya what, most days I don't think my poo stinks. So, I'm quite the avid Ashley fan. But God loves me more then I love me! What a concept! He wants even better for me then what I want for myself. But this means I have to daily turn to Him and be willing to let Him guide me in the day. The only way I can do this is BY FAITH. By faith return to God and allow Him to lead the way.

Jer 29:11 (NIV) "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

AND

2 Cor 12:9 (NIV) But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me.

He Loves Me, He'll Provide For Me, I Just Might Trust Him.

Lately I have been thinking and talking to others girls a lot about just letting go and letting God handle things in life. My thought is why make yourself miserable when all you HAVE to do is give it up to God and let Him deal with it. I know I have been guilty on numerous occasions of making myself miserable because I wanted the power and control of the situation, so I didn't let God take care of it. I found myself in a weird sort of funk, one that I neither liked or wanted to be in I was just there. Once I finally let God have control of the situation I was almost instantaneously relieved. So why exactly do I not ALWAYS allow God to do it?